Everything is bigger these days — TV, food portions and your coffee in the morning. Everything is bigger these days — TV, food portions and your coffee in the morning. Bigger has always been associated with better because, well, we’re selfish, gluttonous Americans who are eager to have more than everyone else. One might wonder if the same applies to manhood. So far, I think men have received some contradictory reports. Before I go any further, I should say that my personal opinions outline only heterosexual experiences.

I’m sure the innocent, prepubescent you squirmed at the thought of being around older “men” in the showers after practice or gym class. It probably horrified you to whip it out with the thought of your penis possibly being the size of a wine cork in comparison. It happens. Though I cannot attest to this myself — there was more breast comparison for us, I think — I’ve heard about the disgusting locker room experiences and absurd tales.

So, I’m going to be cliche and mention the age-old quotation: “It’s not the size that matters, it’s how you use it.” To test this rule, I went up to my friend — bright and early, at about 8 a.m. — and asked, “What’s your position on penis size?” “I don’t know,” she answered. “I’m not as sick as you, Leah.” I knew that she was more irritated by the time of day than the question, so I admitted to her, “I’m not entirely sure how I want to present this column.”

After she realized I needed an actual opinion, one that she would probably more readily give at a later time after some caffeine, she said, “Oh, it matters. But it’s conditional. It only really matters if it’s miniscule.” And with that I’m going to agree.

The problem with that overused quote is that it’s wrong. It’s a ploy to make every guy feel as if they don’t have to be body conscious. But here’s the thing, boys. Girls are self-conscious every day about, well, everything — our faces, hair, hips, stomachs, boobs, butt and vaginas. So you don’t need to feel out of the ordinary if you worry about the way your penis looks. It’s a part of life.

Here’s the reality. Both size and skill matter. It’s a combination of the two that is important when it comes to getting down in the bedroom. The only truth to that quote is that, like my friend already stated, the size issue is dependent upon how extreme the problem is.

Size really only matters if your member is tremendously tiny or extremely enormous. Let’s obtain a starting point here. Askmen.com shows the results of a worldwide study published in BJU International, “Penile Size and the ‘Small Penis Syndrome,’” by Kevan R. Wylie and Ian Eardley. This study shows that the average erect size of the adult penis is between 5.5 inches and 6.2 inches in length and between 4.7 inches and 5.1 inches in girth.

If you are someone who is truly concerned about this, excuse yourself and find some measuring tape. To be considered average, your penis length and thickness should fall somewhere in this range. I would say that it’s probably okay if it is an inch or so below average. I think I can speak for everybody when I say that it would be preferable if it were larger than a baby carrot or a golf pencil. If you’re packin’ something that size or smaller, I don’t mean to be harsh. But here’s the sad truth: Whoever you’re having intercourse with might not actually be able to feel it.

On the other hand, I think you all know that bigger is, in this case, the better of the two. There is a fulfilling aspect to a nice-sized penis. I can’t explain the exact reasoning behind it. It’s almost as if a larger penis seems more aroused and, as a result, makes the partner more excited. However, there is such a thing as too big. Nine or 10 inches is pushing it and can be painful. And no one likes a guy that knows his penis is big. It’s a complete turn-off to be overly confident when it comes to sex.

Don’t be too upset about all this. The same study surveyed more than 50,000 heterosexual couples and found that “85 percent of women were satisfied with their partner’s penile size, but only 55 percent of men were satisfied” with their own size. That says it all. Penis size matters, but it’s not at the top of the list. Just like any body part that a woman might be self-conscious about, you’re going to notice it more than any partner will. Don’t fret over the issue, especially if you’re a man who likes to make your sex buddy happy.

The whole point of giving you this “perfect penis profile” is so you can help yourself learn to be a better pleasure-giver. Having an average-to-large penis doesn’t mean you’re God’s gift to sex. No one gets a free pass to good sex without trying. I cannot reiterate enough how important communication and trial and error is.

If you know you have a smaller penis, try The Hook, where your partner’s legs are crossed around your neck with you on top. Any position that keeps the legs close together will tighten the insertion area. If you’re on the large side, try The Slide. You kneel and your partner faces you with her pelvis off the ground. Or there’s always doggie style, which allows the receiver to control penetration if need be.

There you go, guys. There’s the truth about your penis. Size matters, but only in certain ways. It really is more important to know how to use it. We’ll take notice of the effort.

Email Leah at [email protected].