A modern-day fairy tale

Reuters reports that an elderly Florida… 

A modern-day fairy tale

Reuters reports that an elderly Florida woman is facing charges after purportedly reacting with deadly force when her neighbor refused her a kiss. In the face of rejection, the woman allegedly fired four times at the neighbor’s house with a semi-automatic pistol. According to the neighbor, a 52-year-old man, the 92-year-old woman had seemed attracted to him since he moved into the area. Even though the eastern cougar — the basis for Pitt’s mascot — was tentatively declared extinct earlier this month, at least we can rest assured that other cougars are still on the prowl.

Your PeopleSoft, Mr. President?

American presidents carry with them a sizeable amount of power, the least of which is the ability to go anywhere they please, right? Well, a CBS News video from Wednesday shows President Barack Obama having trouble getting into the White House after returning from a five-day trip to Latin America. He failingly tried the handle on a locked French door. Given that the White House is about 250 miles from campus, we wonder how long it took Panther Central to respond.

Godly curves

So you’re not supposed to utter the Lord’s name in vain, but can you use the Lord’s name to justify your vanity? Well, according to MyFoxHouston, a very unique, very religious-themed pole-dancing class has established itself in Texas. The online article reports that every other Sunday, the studio’s dancing instructor invites church-going women to bust some moves to Christian music in what the instructor calls “Pole Fitness for Jesus.” We wonder, was this trend was inspired by Mary Magdalene?.

The ninja in a shell

The Associated Press reports that a fire was sparked in a New York apartment Monday when a 6-year-old tortoise knocked over its terrarium’s heat lamp. Miraculously, the tortoise survived. Although we extend our condolences to the owner of the torched apartment, we nevertheless hope the crime-fighting turtle’s efforts to subdue Shredder — the longtime enemy of the turtle’s friends Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello and Raphael — were successful.