Wasted woes

Given the preponderance of Super Bowl beer commercials and… Wasted woes

Given the preponderance of Super Bowl beer commercials and underage alcohol citations that seem to typify American society, we like to consider ourselves among the world’s most booze-loving peoples. But our undaunted self-praise might just be too wishful. According to a report by the World Health Organization, Europeans are putting away more spirits than we are. The report says that whereas Russians consume on average 12.5 liters of pure alcohol per year and Moldovans down 18, Americans are only managing a mere 9.4. In his State of the Union address last month, President Barack Obama spoke of a “Sputnik moment” to describe this moment in American history. We agree. Not to mention that we’re getting used to the sound of “Bud Light Sputnik.”

Personal space

There are some activities that should be performed alone. Common examples include playing solitaire, taking entrance exams and standing in a voting booth. But for someone as comfortable in the public eye as a weatherman, perhaps those propriety lines could get hazy. According to one story out of San Diego, it seems like that might have happened to one unlucky meteorologist. The San Diego Union-Tribune reports that longtime — though recently resigned — KUSI-TV weatherman Joe Lizura pleaded guilty last week to “engaging in lewd conduct in public.” The case refers to an event in October, when a San Diego State University student reportedly told police that she saw Lizura masturbating while looking at her through a window. Whatever actually happened, the weather report that October day in California was cloudy with a slight chance of showers.

Super-‘incise’ me, exécuteur

The human head is a masterpiece of evolutionary and physical perfection. Surely, no animal can manipulate its face as meticulously as a person can, but the real wonder is in what the head houses: the human brain, the organ responsible for the moon landing, the atom bomb and the stock market. Considering the power residing within the sapiens skull, no wonder that, for thousands of years, disgruntled citizens havereaped so much pleasure out of cutting their corrupted leaders’ heads off. Guillotine-like devices have separated many unfortunate heads in history, but it’s rare to find a similar fate befalling American fast-food icons. According to AOL News, a group of Finnish animal rights activists with the so-called Food Liberation Army kidnapped and beheaded a Ronald McDonald sculpture, which they stole from a McDonald’s in Helsinki. We can sympathize with the activists insofar as recognizing Ronald’s too-creepy-to-be-kid-friendly smile, but seriously, why so much hate on redheads?