Congratulations! By reading your way to this editorial you’ve successfully numbered yourself… Congratulations! By reading your way to this editorial you’ve successfully numbered yourself among the small cadre of Pitt students who devote their Fridays to intellectual activities and the following of the news! And as part of your exclusive reading experience, you’re about to receive our highly obsessed-over, socially obligated and functionally counterproductive message of Super Bowl caution.

Ah, never mind. Over the past week you’ve already received enough of that, and pitted against those of the University administration, any Pitt News message would likely be forgotten anyway for glaring deficiencies in green-screen technology.

Instead of telling you what not to do on Sunday night, we’ve compiled a list of alternative post-game activities, ways you can channel your “Yinzer” jubilation — or rage, depending on the Super Bowl outcome — that are totally legal and Nordy-friendly. And though you won’t find havoc creation or municipal destruction on the list, we think you’ll find our ideas at least or almost as fun.

What The Pitt News suggests you do Sunday night:

1. Instead of breaking windows, break bread with friends!

2. Instead of climbing poles, climb the hill to upper campus!

3. Instead of flipping cars, flip cups (if you’re old enough)!

4. Instead of screaming and shouting, TWEET IN ALL CAPS!

5. Instead of leveling bus stations, level polite admonishments toward Packers fans. Instead of setting fire to Dumpsters, spark a flame in your love life!

7. Instead of blocking traffic, block partiers from leaving your apartment — with chocolate, perhaps!

8. Instead of failing to disperse, disperse failure from your studies!

9. Instead of spraying graffiti, spray air freshener in your roommate’s bathroom — it needs it!

10. Instead of moving property, move your friends with impromptu poetry!