Who let the dogs out?

They say you have to walk a mile in someone’s shoes to understand — but what if you’re a dog? A man in China, identified as “Zhu,” trained his poodle to walk a mile on its hind legs — in women’s clothing. After being begged to stop, Zhu declared that these walks never tick his dog off — his pet enjoys them. It must not be that ruff since Zhu has started training oodles of poodles to walk the walk. Still, some say it’s inhumane — the owner should be Shih-Tzued for this unpawful behavior. 

Disaster of disguise

Last Saturday, California proved it was fresh out of smooth criminals. After fleeing from a stolen car parked in his neighborhood, Jose Espinoza really wanted to paint it black. “It” refers to his face, of course. After he returned home, Espinoza hid the way any sensible person would — by spray-painting his face black as camouflage. Unfortunately, he hid against a white wall, leaving quite the mark. Espinoza might be great at face painting, but not at fleeing. When arrested, he was charged not only with receiving stolen property, but also with terrible graffiti skills. Banksy would be ashamed.

The naked mile

Last Saturday, a Pakistani motorcyclist showed off his crotch rocket to Islamabad police for the last time. Shehroz Khan rode his motorcycle through the city completely in the nude twice the previous week, garnering quite the social media following. The naked truth was that Khan had bet his friends he could get away with the lewd stunt. His naked mile came to an end, though, when police arrested Khan for speeding, violating traffic laws and generally ridin’ dirty.

Breaking bathroom 

Wal-Mart’s prices are still too high for some people. The solution? Sell meth. Or, at least that’s what a man at an Indiana Wal-Mart thought. Last Thursday, an employee notified police after he noticed a suspicious person walk into the restroom with a backpack and emerge without one. Upon investigation, it turned out there was a meth lab in stall four — a fully functioning meth lab had been set up. Wal-Mart declined to comment on its new Breaking Roll-Backs.

McStomachache

In the name of St. Patrick’s Day, professional eater Matt “Megatoad” Stonie downed seven large Shamrock Shakes in a YouTube video. Needless to say, no one was green with envy over this meal. Stonie finished all seven shakes — and their accompanying 5,740 calories — in four minutes and 41 seconds. With the luck of the Irish, Stonie didn’t throw up. In fact, he even chased his light meal down with a cheeseburger. Later, when asked, “do you want fries with that?” Stonie was too green for comment.