No apologies

Former Vice President Dick Cheney shot a guy (by mistake). But… No apologies

Former Vice President Dick Cheney shot a guy (by mistake). But that’s old news. What’s surprising is that five years after the notorious bird-hunting accident, he has yet to apologize for it. According to The Washington Post, the only time the vice president acknowledged his misfire was four days after the fated event, when he appeared on Fox News and took responsibility for the shooting. He has yet to use the word “sorry.” Even if Cheney’s heart might not work as well as others’, he’s at least capable of apologizing: His atoning in 2008 for the disdainful words he used toward West Virginians wasn’t a fantasy. This causes us a bit of distress: If making fun of West Virginia is worse than shooting a man in the face, then The Pitt News is in serious trouble.

Porn-out

Workers are staying home in Southern California, and it doesn’t have to do with pot this time. According to AFP, many adult film companies based near Los Angeles are suspending production after one porn actor tested positive for HIV. While we wish the best of health for the actors, The Pitt News would especially like to extend our condolences to New York gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino, a family-values candidate who has said accepting homosexuals is tantamount to being “brainwashed.” Since WNYMedia.net reports that in 2009 he allegedly electronically sent around videos depicting lesbian sex — calling them “awesome” — we hope he isn’t too upset that he won’t have new material for some time.

Sext control

According to TechCrunch, the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office just approved a patent for an iPhone application that prevents “sexting.” If implemented, the application would let administrators — like parents or phone-issuing employers — block users from sending or receiving text messages with “objectionable” material. Given the salacious, text-based scandals surrounding high-profile athletes like Brett Favre and Greg Oden, maybe the NBA and NFL should require such electronic “jock-blocking” as part of their upcoming collective-bargaining agreements.

All in the family

The idea of “ruling families” is supposed to be obsolete in a perfect democracy such as our own, right? Well, according to an Associated Press article that cites research from Ancestry.com, President Barack Obama is related to Former President George W. Bush and Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin. Although landing in widely disparate arenas of the political spectrum, Obama and Bush are 11th cousins, Obama and Palin are 10th cousins and Palin and Bush are 10th cousins once removed. In light of the recently discovered familial ties, perhaps now Sarah and George can provide Barack with his birth certificate.