Let’s talk hockey.

No, not about the astonishing way the Washington Capitals lost… Let’s talk hockey.

No, not about the astonishing way the Washington Capitals lost to the Montreal Canadiens, nor about the Penguins’ chances against Montreal.

I want to talk about something far more important — goalie taunting.

It’s a staple in hockey, when the home crowd taunts the opposing goaltender by chanting his name in a sing-song manner, elongating the two syllables of his name or nickname.

One of my fondest memories at a Penguins game is from Game Four of the 2009 Stanley Cup Finals. The Penguins had just put three goals past Detroit’s Chris Osgood in less than 10 minutes to take a 4-2 lead. Seventeen thousand white-clad fans all stood up singing “Osss-good, Osss-good.”

The goalie taunt is something that is unique to hockey — but it is being abused.

It’s getting out of control, and I am beginning to question its usefulness.

Last week, during Game Four of the Eastern Conference Quarterfinals series between the Penguins and the Ottawa Senators, the Ottawa crowd began taunting Penguins goalie Marc-Andre Fleury right off the opening faceoff. He hadn’t even faced a shot.

It didn’t work. Fleury never let in a goal until the Penguins safely had a 4-0 lead. The Penguins won 7-4.

This isn’t unique to Ottawa — it even happens at Penguins games. When the opposing team allows the Penguins to score a power-play goal, some fans taunt the goalie.

Perhaps this is because nobody has ever come up with clear-cut rules for goalie taunting. So I will now do the hockey world a favor.

I present to you, Goalie Taunting Etiquette.

The opposing goalie shall be taunted for the following reasons only:

-If he lets in a particularly soft or embarrassing goal (such as when New Jersey’s Martin Brodeur scored on himself in the 2003 Stanley Cup Finals).

-If he allows several goals in a short period of time (such as when Washington’s Semyon Varlamov allowed the Penguins to score two goals in eight seconds).

-If he has a particularly unique rivalry with the home team or the home team’s goalie (such as the rivalry between Patrick Roy and Chris Osgood).

-If he trips and falls while entering the rink.

The opposing goalie shall never be taunted in the following scenarios:

-Prior to or directly after the opening faceoff.

-Before allowing a goal.

-After allowing a power-play goal or a five-on-three goal, unless it was a particularly soft goal.

-During a shootout. If the goalie is good enough to make it to the shootout overtime period of a game, then he does not deserve to be taunted (Though, Henrik Lundqvist vs. Brodeur in a 0-0 tie game is an exception for the rivalry reasons listed above).

There, now the hockey world can be on the same page when it comes to a unique aspect of hockey.

Happy taunting.

And no, I still haven’t figured out a way to taunt Montreal’s Jaroslav Halak — his last name just isn’t tauntable. Perhaps it’s for the best. Pens fans should be buying him a beer for eliminating the Washington Capitals rather than taunting him – unless he stones the Pens like he did the Caps.