I was lucky enough to be born with a built-in best friend. My older sister, Chloe, who I call “sister” because “Chloe” was too difficult to say at three years old, is my lifeline. With the four-year age difference, the road was not devoid of challenges. We would fight constantly over anything imaginable — Barbies, clothes, food, who gets to pet the dog. I can say with full confidence that I was, and possibly still am, an annoying little sister.

I would always try to get her in trouble, and when she got to middle school and had better things to do than play Barbies with her little sister, I could never take the hint. Chloe was and still is referred to as “sister” by other people besides me because that is exactly what she embodies. Growing up, my friends even saw her as their own older sister. She would always be the one to drive us around late at night, buy us Dunkin’ on the way home from school and listen to us rant about our middle school drama. 

Regardless of our debates, I would ultimately take my blanket and pillow, leave my cozy room with its inviting bed and head to her floor. She always welcomed me without hesitation, and we would end up staying up too late, sharing laughter throughout the night. 

Now, while I live in Pittsburgh and she works full time in Chicago, those sleepovers don’t happen anymore. Because of this distance, I have had a lot of time to reflect on my relationship with my sister. Entering my 20s, I need her now more than ever. I know who to text or call for every issue. If I need brutal honesty about an outfit, I know who will humble me. If I need a shoulder to cry on, I know she will always be there. 

My first year, when I was going through a hard time, the only person I wanted to talk to was my sister. She offered me a place to vent and to cry, and she called me out when my mindset was off. She understands me better than anyone else. It was her words that were strong enough to take me out of dark times. 

What stands out about our relationship now is that the advice is reciprocal. When I was younger, it would always be her giving me advice, but now she also comes to me. The tough older sister who tries to navigate the world on her own now sees me as an outlet to ask for advice and talk to, and it has made our connection even stronger. My sister and I don’t just act as siblings now — we act as best friends, even when she’s too stubborn to take my advice. We share our stories and see all the experiences we have in common, granting us the ability to connect on a level beyond big sister and little sister. 

When I decided I wanted to write this column, I knew I wanted to mention the phenomenon known as Eldest Daughter Syndrome, which explains the challenges and expectations that eldest daughters have in setting an example for their younger siblings. Eldest Daughter Syndrome brings with it the pressure of pursuing perfection. They often have trouble communicating their struggles and their own emotions and fear disappointment. I know that my sister has been afflicted by this phenomenon, as being an older sister is one of her highest priorities. However, the reciprocity of advice we developed makes her more willing to share these things with me as a best friend, not just a little sister. 

My sister has recently embarked on her career as an ER nurse. Part of the reason she’s pursuing this career is because she is a doer and has always wanted to help others. I do not doubt that part of her career path stems from the fact that, as an older sister, she has done nothing but devote herself to being there for someone else — and now she gets to do that for a living. She goes to work, setting out to save lives and make connections with patients. She brings her older-sister energy to people who need it most, and this continues to inspire me every day. 

When I reflect on my connection with my sister as we get older and can’t be together all the time anymore, I realize that there is a tie to her that will never come loose. I think of the matching tattoo we have of Adrianne Lenker’s lyrics, “Not a lot, just forever / Intertwined, sewn together.” My sister and I are a unit. She is my whole heart and my whole soul. While I will pretend I didn’t write this and will most likely go back to bullying her in the family group chat, I will simultaneously always be grateful that I get to grow up with my best friend. 

Grace Harris has a passion for social justice and advocacy. Her email is always open to more ideas — gmh66@pitt.edu.