As a Christian, I’m regularly perplexed when people use Jesus Christ’s name as a fill-in… As a Christian, I’m regularly perplexed when people use Jesus Christ’s name as a fill-in exclamation. “I did horrible on that test,” “I broke my ankle” and “the food from that restaurant was horrible” can all be adorned with a non-too-reverent utterance of Jesus’ name. But why?

Perhaps it’s a sign of a cultural drift away from faith, but I don’t think so. I find that some religious people have no problem taking the Lord’s name in vain. In fact, I’ve known some Catholics who bring some of the saints along for the ride — “Jesus, Mary and Joseph!” Of course, if you’re hoping to be more respectful, you could always add in the “almighty” ending to the phrase. “Christ almighty” and “Good God almighty” are two such utterances I’ve heard.

I don’t think that really makes it more defensible, though. If you’re a Christian, then you believe God is the Almighty, but reacting to having slipped on some ice might not be the best time to testify to this, particularly if it’s adjoined with words that turn into bleeps on most television shows.

Truthfully, I find Christian-related utterances to be accretions to the collection of generally objectionable references. It just doesn’t make sense.

Steven Pinker, a linguistics professor at Harvard, traces religious-themed exclamations — and indeed, swearing, writ large — to religion, particularly to the more totalizing role of religion in yesteryear, when supernatural explanations for virtually everything abounded. Thus the term cursing.

Hence another popular one: pairing “God” with “damn,” seldom used in the actual most literal definition of commanding God to damn the direct object — sometimes only implied — of the sentence. That realization is relieving considering that often the object in question is not one that we would actually want God to damn — our sibling, our textbook or our vehicle. If God took those commands seriously, hell would be littered with annoying family members and inanimate objects that had really done nothing to warrant spending eternity in the hot place — and I don’t mean an Arizona junkyard.

I’m not so sure that demanding God’s action is always objectionable. Proclaiming “God save me!” while in a precarious situation — preferably one that involves possible mortal danger as opposed to, say, being stuck choosing between Wendy’s and Burger King for a late night meal — would strike many a believer as perfectly acceptable. But that’s asking for something that most Christians, save for the most ardent Calvinists, believe God will give readily. Damning, on the other hand? Only if you’re in the Reverend Wright or Fred Phelps camp.

It’d be much nicer if people simply removed utterances that involved intemperate uses of God, Jesus Christ, etc. from their vocabulary. If you’re not a believer, why reference those in whom you don’t believe? And if you are a believer, why recklessly reference those who you have deemed divine? Think about it.

Depending on what your beliefs are, it’s either the equivalent of exclaiming, “Pink fluffy unicorn!” or mocking your savior while he’s right beside you. Either way, not particularly wise.

Of course, this won’t stop people from doing so. But hey, it’s always worth a try, and I won’t demand that God damn you if you still use his name in vain.

E-mail Steve at [email protected].