The Black Eyed Peas

The E.N.D. (The Energy Never Dies)

Interscope Records

Rocks like: A robot… The Black Eyed Peas

The E.N.D. (The Energy Never Dies)

Interscope Records

Rocks like: A robot version of Fergie high on Autotune

Grade: C+

If a few computers wanted to lay down funky dance tracks and had the vocal capability to do it, the result would sound scarily similar to The E.N.D.

The Black Eyed Peas’ fifth studio album — its third with Fergie and her humps — is so heavily synthesized and burdened by the infamous Auto-Tune that it’s hard to take the album seriously. The beats are sick, but the so-called voices providing the simplistic lyrics sound so unlike human vocals that the listener will want to thank the computerized effects for the best songs, not the Peas.

It is so extreme that it’s almost always impossible to tell that it is actually the Peas providing the vocals at all. There are ghostwriters — but are there ghost singers?

Fergie boasts on hit single “Boom Boom Pow” that the Peas are “so 3008,” and apparently every one else is just “2000 and late.” That’s cute, Fergie, but if this is the future of music, then the industry will surely see a surge of nostalgia for times when artists actually sang.

It’s not all bad — there are a few golden moments on the album when the dancing pull of the tracks overpower any annoyance with the lack of artistry illustrated by The E.N.D. The song “Imma Be” sounds repetitive, an insult to intelligence but a lot of fun, anyway. “Rock That Body” sounds like Alvin and the Chipmunks contributed the chorus, but it nestles its way into your mind and won’t leave for days.

For every moderately successful track, though, there are two or three dreadful ones. “Alive” is uptempo misery — and coincidentally the track that features Fergie in her least digitally tampered state — and never has there been a bigger insult to the new generation of youth than “Now Generation.”

The Peas are supposed to make fun, think-free music — it just forgot the fun part this time around.

Let’s hope The E.N.D. is the end of whatever musical phase the band is in at the moment.

Eminem

Relapse

Aftermath

Rocks like: No one compares to Eminem

Grade: A-

Say what you will about one of the most controversial rap artists in the music industry, but you can’t deny his talent.

On his newest release, Relapse, Eminem proves the only thing into which he is relapsing is the style of rap that made him an untouchable figure in the business. Gone are the cutesy club anthems and collaborations that did nothing but hold back the rapper — in their places are hard-hitting and up-to-the-minute rants on just about everything.

Born out of a particularly dark time in Eminem’s life — the rapper suffered the shooting death of his best friend, Proof, and slipped into a nasty prescription drug addiction — the album is full of tight rhymes and perfectly matched hooks, with only a few missteps along the way.

Unlike The Marshall Mathers LP, which reveled in violence, misogyny and other disreputable forms of shock value, Relapse sees the rapper having fun (“We Made You”), commenting on social issues (“Bagpipes from Baghdad”) and teaming up with his complematary second half, Dr. Dre (“Old Time’s Sake”).

Yes, Eminem’s anger issues are still present, and they reach unsettlingly effective levels in tracks like “My Mom” and the jaw-dropping “Insane.” Not for the faint of heart or ear, these songs will leave you alternately scared of Eminem and in awe of him.

Of course, there are still moments at which he takes things a step too far or in the wrong direction. “3 a.m.” shows off his apparent newfound fascination with serial killers, and it inevitably comes off as merely creepy instead of interesting.

The highlight of the album is definitely “Beautiful,” a slower ballad-esque track that replaces a hook with a Rock Therapy sample and renders Eminem at his most vulnerable. When he discusses his former addiction in brutally honest terms, it’s an equally jarring and enlightening experience to witness a notorious rapper bring himself down to human levels.

Whether he’s baring his soul or dissing Lindsay Lohan, Eminem’s Relapse is never boring.

Dave Matthews Band

Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King

RCA Records

Rocks like: Old DMB with a hint of New Orleans

Grade: B+

When Dave Matthews Band does a eulogy, its band members don’t weigh themselves with grief — they take it out in their music.

In their first studio album since 2005’s Stand Up, Matthews and the gang deliver a sprawling ode to the band’s late saxophonist, LeRoi Moore, and the result achieves the perplexing task of sounding just like every other Matthews album — but somehow standing out, as well.

Maybe it’s the influx of electric guitar on many of the tracks, or perhaps it’s the heavy and humid Louisiana flavor that hangs over the album like Spanish moss on a Bourbon Street tree branch.

Songs will often remind listeners of a favorite Dave Matthews oldie, like “Ants Go Marching.” What about “Satellite,” or “Grey Street?” All have reincarnations on the album, and while some could criticize Dave Matthews Band for sounding the same, its massive fan base proves that, for them, more of the same is perfect.

Regardless, a Matthews fan could not be kept away from the album. But for those who have somehow avoided his reign of mellowness over the music industry since the late ’90s, know that this is the group at its musical peak, but not necessarily Matthews at his lyrical best.

When Matthews throws out mischievous witticisms and schoolboy taunts — “Shake Me Like a Monkey” is refreshingly unpredictable — he soars, but a hefty dose of earnestness bogs down some tracks, especially in the album’s latter half. “Time Bomb” is an unfortunate dud.

“I want to believe in Jesus, hammer in the final nail,” Matthews wails in an uncharacteristic tone.

That’s nice, but keep it light, Dave. That’s how LeRoi — the real GrooGrux King — would have liked it.