‘ ‘ ‘ Here, read this: ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – Eric Mangini, the new coach of the Cleveland Browns,… ‘ ‘ ‘ Here, read this: ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – Eric Mangini, the new coach of the Cleveland Browns, has declared an open competition for the starting Browns quarterback job. That’s like saying, ‘I’m still not sure who’s worse.’ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – You know, for at least two weeks now I’ve thought that the song ‘I’m on a Boat’ was serious. Probably because T-Pain was on it, and I wouldn’t put it past him to get behind such meaningful lyrics. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – And did you know T-Pain is only 23 years old? 23. I would have guessed at least 30. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – T-Pain’s real name: Faheem Najm. Other real names of rappers: Akon ‘- Aliaune Thiam; Notorious B.I.G. ‘- Christopher Wallace; Busta Rhymes ‘- Trevor Smith; Sisqo ‘- Mark Andrews; Ice Cube ‘- Oshea Jackson; Nelly ‘- Cornell Haynes Jr.; Snoop Dogg ‘- Cordazer Calvin Broadus; T.I. ‘- Clifford Harris Jr.; Xzibit ‘- Alvin Joyner. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – Mike Tyson is apparently coming out with a movie? Yeah, ‘Tyson,’ it’s called. Clever. Anyway, there’s a spot on the trailer where he says he once received a parade in Moscow. ‘They don’t even speak English over there,’ Tyson says. Hey, Mike, neither do you! ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – Songs with killer beats and marginal lyrics: Kid Cudi ‘- ‘Day ‘n’ Nite,’ Asher Roth ‘- ‘Lark on My Go-Kart.’ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – Sports Movie Trivia Quote of the Day: ‘Anyone who wants to be a can’t-hack-it pantywaist who wears their mama’s bra, raise your hand.’ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – First of all, you’re aware that this year’s MLB spring training is longer because of the World Baseball Classic? You’re aware of this? OK. Well, there was an Associated Press headline earlier this week that read, ‘Pirates’ Wilson uses long spring to change his swing,’ speaking of the Pirates’ Jack Wilson trying to get more power on his swing by lowering his hands. Here’s a tip: lift weights. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – Oh, more Pirates. Pirates’ minor-leaguer Jose Tabata apparently has a wife who is 43 years old. He’s 20. Said wife is suspected of taking a baby from a health clinic near Tampa. There’s no truth to the rumor that she’s found her husband this way, too. Because she was 22 when he was born. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – Rankings (first place votes): ‘ ‘ ‘ 1. Pitt ‘- Moment of Truth No. 1 at 7:27 p.m. ‘ ‘ ‘ 2. Jay Cutler ‘- He was my quarterback first. ‘ ‘ ‘ 3. Racquetball ‘- Career record: 3-2. Three-game sweep as a freshman, two-game drubbing in my return as a senior. ‘ ‘ ‘ 4. Dave the rapping flight attendant on Southwest Airlines ‘- ‘Before we leave, our advice is put away your electronic devices.’ Genius. ‘ ‘ ‘ 5. The Lonely Island ‘- Because I finally get it. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ Dropped from the rankings: USA baseball, my tournament bracket (The only time I’ve ever won was in 2004 when Connecticut beat Georgia Tech in the championship. My prize money was something like $250, and I probably spent it on DVDs or something or had it stolen from the football locker room. Actually, I think that is what happened.) ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – Pitt plays Xavier Thursday. Duquesne beat Xavier earlier this year. If Xavier beats Pitt, by transitive property law that would mean Duquesne is better than Pitt. And if that’s the case, the world will crumble, I’m sure of it. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – Somewhere across the country there are former North Allegheny Intermediate High School students wishing that the school’s cramped back hallway enforced one of the NFL’s new safety policies. It specifies that no blocking wedge of more than two players will be allowed on kickoffs. Therefore, the five-man sophomore super-wedge that plowed its way over the puny freshmen that scurried the hall every other day after gym class would never have been allowed. Fragile teenage lives could have been saved. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – Sports Movie Quote Trivia Answer of the Day: Benny ‘The Jet’ Rodriguez in ‘The Sandlot.’ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – Golfer John Daly lost a libel lawsuit against a Florida writer who tore him up in a column, saying that he possessed ‘definite Thug Life qualifications.’ Because when I think Thug Life, I think golf. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – Mitsch. Out. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ Stephen Pede contributed to this report. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ E-mail Pat at [email protected]. ‘