Senators Roland Burris, D-Ill., and Tim Bunning, R-Ky., appear to be in a heated race to see who… Senators Roland Burris, D-Ill., and Tim Bunning, R-Ky., appear to be in a heated race to see who can get manhandled out of the Senate first. In terms of unethical behavior, lack of party support and unadulterated craziness, both senators have impressive resumes, and party leaders of each have expressed an interest in, shall we say, ‘repositioning’ the congressmen. But as we all know, in politics there can be only one champion. So let’s take a look at where each senator stands. Party Support: You know it’s bad when members of your own party hate you so much that they would suggest a special election that could theoretically place a member of the opposite party in office. Yet it appears Burris’ fellow Dems hate him just that much. According to The New York Times, Gov. Patrick Quinn, D-Ill., will give Burris only two weeks to resign before urging Illinois lawmakers to consider a special election, a thought echoed by the state’s attorney general, Lisa Madigan. Bunning, on the other hand, has threatened to sue the Republican Party after Texas Sen. John Cornyn, chair of the National Republican Senatorial Committee ‘mdash; which traditionally assists Republican senatorial candidates ‘mdash; reported that he didn’t know if Bunning was running for re-election. Apparently this outraged Bunning enough for this little slam fest: ‘I don’t believe anything John Cornyn says … I’ve had miscommunications with John Cornyn from, I guess, the first week of this current session of the Senate. He either doesn’t understand English or he doesn’t understand direct, ‘I’m going to run.” Bunning went on to tell the Louisville Courier-Journal that he would sue Cornyn and the Republican Senate committee if they backed a challenger in a primary race against him next year. While it’s clear the Democrats have no love for Burris, this one goes to Bunning, for creating problems where there weren’t really any to begin with and successfully alienating the most influential Republican members of the Senate. Ethical issues: It’s difficult not to give this one to Burris, considering his pending perjury investigation ‘mdash; Burris neglected to mention in former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich’s impeachment hearing that he had been asked by Blagojevich’s brother to help raise campaign funds. Mere association with the name ‘Rod Blagojevich’ is enough to win this category.’ Re-election efforts: Everyone knows that the majority of a politician’s time and effort is devoted to re-election, so what better way to judge a senator’s efficacy? Burris comes out swinging with a ‘re-election’ Web site that looks like something I could have made on an Angelfire account. But underneath the site’s plain, ugly exterior there is … well, a donation button. Here’s what else the site has to offer: Under accomplishments ‘mdash; a blank page. Under endorsements ‘mdash; a blank page. Under news articles ‘mdash; a blank page. This was actually a wise choice by Burris, as most of the news articles on him are not exactly flattering. Sample: The New York Times’ recent story on the senator, ‘A line forms to succeed Burris’. Not to be outdone by Burris’ Web site ‘mdash; which practically shouts, ‘Do not elect me, I have no qualifications!’ ‘mdash; Bunning might just give his seat away and forgo re-election at all. According to the Louisville Courier-Journal, sources say Bunning would rather give away his seat than be bested by Cornyn and the rest of the Republican Party leadership. ‘I would get the last laugh. Don’t forget Kentucky has a Democrat governor … Anger me enough and I’ll resign, and then you’ve got 60 Democrats,’ a source quoted Bunning as saying. Sorry, Burris. Pretty sure Bunning wins this one. Egomania: So you have to be at least a little bit of an egomaniac to go into politics, but Burris without a doubt wins the prize for this one. Burris, who once told the Chicago Sun-Times, ‘Illinois is the land of Lincoln … Maybe someday it will be the land of Burris,’ gets major points as a self-absorbed twat for naming his children Roland II and Rolanda (just three self-named offspring away from George Foreman!). But what really wins this category for Burris is his already-constructed mausoleum ‘mdash; or basically a monument to himself. The massive tomb includes a running list of Burris’ life accomplishments ‘mdash; listed under the misspelled moniker ‘Trail Blazer’ ‘mdash; as well as a small bench, so that visitors may take the appropriate time to reflect upon the senator’s illustrious career. Sheer Idiocy: While Burris is as unethical as anyone can be and is unjustifiably optimistic about his chances for ‘re-election,’ he has never shown himself to be the idiot Bunning clearly is. Not only did Bunning predict that Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg would be dead within nine months, according to the Chicago Tribune, he misspelled her name in his apology letter. But of course, how could he be expected to know how to spell it when, as he said himself during his campaign, ‘I don’t watch the national news, and I don’t read the paper.’ E-mail Molly with whom you would you prefer for you own senator at [email protected].