‘ ‘ ‘ What’s that? Oh, no I couldn’t. I haven’t even finished it yet. Really, I ‘mdash; well,… ‘ ‘ ‘ What’s that? Oh, no I couldn’t. I haven’t even finished it yet. Really, I ‘mdash; well, all right. If you really want to hear my pre-written Oscar acceptance speech, I guess I could put it here: ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ Haha, whew! Wow, you know, I never in my wildest dreams thought that I’d actually make it up here, but … haha, anything can happen, I guess. There are a lot of people I need to thank, but I want to say this first: I urge all of you, all of you, to enjoy your life, the precious moments you have. To spend each day with some laughter and some thought, to get your emotions going. To be enthusiastic every day, and as Ralph Waldo Emerson said, ‘Nothing great could be accomplished without enthusiasm.’ To keep your dreams alive in spite of problems, whatever you have. The ability to be able to work hard for your dreams to come true, to become a reality. Thanks everybody! We did it! ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – Actually, most of the above is an excerpt from Jimmy Valvano’s legendary ESPY speech in 1993. I get goosebumps every time I hear it. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – There are two times when my heart actually stops: when a Pitt quarterback drops back to throw and the few seconds after I’ve committed my 80 cents to G3 in the vending machine and I don’t know if the coils are going to make it around far enough to let my Skittles fall. Every time I worry. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – The NBA says anything is possible, and after seeing Seal with Heidi Klum at the Oscars, I am a believer. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – Every time I watch a UFC event, I’m enamored that every fighter has a nickname. Like Joe ‘Daddy’ Stevenson or Dan ‘Hollywood’ Henderson. I wonder what my fighter nickname would be. Perhaps Pat ‘The Entertaining Writer’ Mitsch or Pat ‘Procrastinator’ Mitsch.’ Either would be fine, but I’ll worry about them later. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – When the Rockets traded Rafer ‘Skip to my Lou’ Alston to Orlando, my memories of attending the And-1 Mixtape Tour when it came through the Pete came rushing back. Now, if you’ve ever watched the And-1 stuff, all you see is the highlights, so I thought that the whole game was just non-stop dunks and stuff. That’s about one-fifth of what actually happens. The rest is just washed up college and street players trying to get to the NBA and failing miserably, all with a constant record scratching from the house disc jockey over the PA system. I left with a headache and an empty heart. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – My finest hour in the Pete, though, was when I attended a high school all-star game when I was a high school sophomore. The announcer pointed out that LeBron James, then the high school phenom, was in the stands. Everybody there gave a pedestrian clap, and after the lull in the crowd when the applause broke up, I yelled ‘Come to Pitt!’ I got a few laughs from the crowd, and I thought I saw LeBron smile. He didn’t come here, though. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – Why, rank you very much (first-place votes): ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ 1. Jimmy V. — Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ 2. Foreign accents ‘- I’ll never sound as suave or be as cool as No. 3. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ 3. Hugh Jackman ‘- Managed to get tanner as the Oscars progressed. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ 4. ’25 Things’ Facebook notes ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘- You know, I actually read these. I scour over every one that comes across the Mini-Feed, because I actually like hearing new things about other people. But for once I wish somebody would write something meaningful instead of, ’14. I love, love, love GUM. I would chew it every day if I could.’ Well guess what? You can. What you can’t do, apparently, is open up. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ 5. Brando the French Mastiff ‘- From the Westminster Dog Show. Dogs are cool. Cats stink. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ Also receiving votes: Dunkin’ Donuts, NASCAR (I can’t believe I typed that, but believe it or not, I’m coming around to the idea that NASCAR actually exists and is OK to follow.) ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ Dropped from the rankings: Larry Fitz’s basketball color commentary (We all adore you Larry, but you have to know the players on the floor. ‘Slip screen’ alone won’t get it done.) ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – Your soon-to-not-be No. 1 Pitt Panthers at Seton Hall this weekend? Well, a clash this epic deserves an epic title: The Walk in the Park in Newark, The Jog Through Jersey, The Quiet Fall of Seton Hall, The Seton Hall Pass. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ -That of course will come after Pathetic at Providence. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ – Good talk. See ya out there. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ E-mail Pat at [email protected].