‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ It’s about that time of the year when the weight of the bold New Year’s resolutions you… ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ It’s about that time of the year when the weight of the bold New Year’s resolutions you made, likely amid a torrent of $5 champagne, becomes noticeably heavy. For those who haven’t already broken their resolutions ‘mdash; ‘No more cookies,’ she whimpered as crumbs dribbled down her stuffed cheeks ‘mdash; the weeks after New Year’s are much like some soft purgatory where you have to ask yourself over and over if you really need to change. ‘ ‘ ‘ Some deal with this soul-searching by making their travail loudly and widely known. You know the type. Those wringers of hands and gnashers of teeth who demand that you recognize they have been at the gym every day this week. They throw their sweat-stained bodies down on your couch and make awkward allusions to needing Icy Hot, just begging you to compliment, not their figures, but their resolve. ‘No, not even Mandela knew dedication like you do.’ ‘ ‘ ‘ Then there are those who deal with New Year’s resolutions with a constant wail about how poorly they are keeping their goals. ‘ ‘ ‘ These are the dieters who have not foregone even a single pack of Ho Hos and, instead, seek the reformation they have failed to achieve in their bodies in the conciliatory words of their acquaintances. ‘You, like, totally didn’t even need to go on a diet. I hear a little extra weight is in this year.’ For this group, resolutions are not so much about changing something unpleasant about oneself but marshalling support that the allegedly unpleasant characteristic isn’t actually unpleasant. ‘ ‘ ‘ On the other end of the spectrum, we have the resolution naysayers. We have all heard the oratory of those proud non-resolvers who claim that New Year’s just prompts unauthentic change, that resolutions never actually make a difference and are just forced upon us by the powers that want us to feel guilty. ‘ ‘ ‘ With all the depth and profundity of a collegiate trying to assert some asinine categorical like, ‘All religions are farces,’ these resolution haters sling discouragement at the ranks of exercisers, dieters and’ no-more-swearing folk. Secretly, they pine for the backbone to effect self-betterment. ‘ ‘ ‘ This divine comedy of New Year’s resolutions makes one point clear above all others: Resolution is much more a social phenomenon than a personal one. After all, what good is promising to get ripped if no co-ed asks if it’s all you in there? Why would I want to stop biting my nails unless my well-manicured friends complimented my virgin cuticles? ‘ ‘ ‘ However, I don’t think this social character is necessarily a bad thing for New Year’s resolutions. I have never completely believed that the goal of resolutions was actually to change the resolver as much as conjure up an air of freshness and renewal. ‘ ‘ ‘ New Year’s resolutions might very well be aimed at something of a gestalt phenomenon. With all of these folks grandstanding their sacrifices, complaining about their shortcomings and whining about resolution in general, change is foregrounded in most people’s minds. ‘ ‘ ‘ By creating an environment of people talking about reformation, the environment reforms. After our holiday breaks of binging on cookies and installing ourselves between cushions and marathons of trashy MTV reality shows ‘mdash; we all have our devils ‘mdash; we need to at least posture change lest we slip into a disquieted inertia. ‘ ‘ ‘ Suddenly, we have an objective again, even if it is somewhat artificial. No matter how much the seventh-year sophomore resolves to get a 4.0, it’s not New Year’s that is going to bring about the change he needs. ‘ ‘ ‘ However, the more that seventh-year sophomore resolves to get straight A’s, the more the virtues of good grades are extolled. In a way, New Year’s resolutions serve as a resurrection of the moral and social architecture of communities. By hearing about what everyone else wants to change about themselves, the social sphere rebuilds its systems of worth. ‘ ‘ ‘ November and December are largely about rallying families and fond feelings. No matter what has transpired, everyone gathers around turkeys and trees and reminds each other that there are bonds that are inviolable. While this is a wonderful practice, the inevitable result of this is a measure of laxity. By the end of holiday break, you are low on motivation. Then, New Year’s Eve comes and sets you back a few days and generally dissolves social order into a sparkling disarray. ‘ ‘ ‘ Resolutions refit our little worlds with structure, even if it is only temporary and superficial. They are a valuable tradition of masquerading virtue that succeeds in producing real virtue as a mass effect. This January, value all those promises you know your friends will never keep. Resolve to e-mail Erik at [email protected]