‘ ‘ ‘ After yet another marathon of watching embarrassing TV shows and making the least of my… ‘ ‘ ‘ After yet another marathon of watching embarrassing TV shows and making the least of my college experience, last week I decided that I better go pretend to hit the books. You know, ‘study.’ ‘ ‘ ‘ So, I shaved, ironed my pants, polished my shoes, threw some snacks in my backpack, unburied my books, loaded up my MP3 player with ‘study’ music and headed to one place I knew I’d get a lot of ‘studying’ done: Hillman Library. ‘ ‘ ‘ Of course, I really don’t study in Hillman. I don’t think anyone does. But, because it is filled with books and wooden tables, it makes everyone feel studious just to be there. ‘ ‘ ‘ This sentiment explains why I nearly soiled myself when I arrived at the library. I walked through the ground floor entrance of Hillman and into a psychedelic wonderland. I don’t know who it was, but somebody went nuts with a credit card at Home Depot and decided to slap bright reds, blues, yellows and greens all over the library walls. ‘ ‘ ‘ The University, it seems, caught on to the Club Hillman concept and, like an over-eager parent trying to be hip, decided to paint the library like a European nightclub. ‘ ‘ ‘ Obviously, I couldn’t fake-study in a place like this. The romance was just … gone. It wasn’t fun anymore. And so it came to pass that I wandered aimlessly into Posvar Hall. Could Posvar Hall fill that void in my heart? The answer depended on how well I could fritter away my time within its oddly-angled, Soviet-style, mottled-brick walls. ‘ ‘ ‘ Unlike Hillman, Posvar holds more than just books: Posvar is home to economics, the noblest of all disciplines. Unfortunately, the departments of psychology, sociology, anthropology, political science, history and other less-than-taxing or made-up majors also call it home. So it’s the ideal place to troll for cheerleaders, athletes and trophy spouses. If you’re lucky, you might even find econ hotties like myself. ‘ ‘ ‘ No matter what your preference, you certainly won’t be hurting your eyes scanning across crowds of engineers or physics, chemistry or biology majors for that special someone. Posvar offers social selection at its finest. ‘ ‘ ‘ Just had your first date at Einstein’s and want to seal the deal? Posvar offers a floor space larger than Hillman or even the Cathedral of Learning, so you’ll always have enough choices of dark corners and abandoned classrooms. ‘ ‘ ‘ Unfortunately, navigating through Posvar is a real-life Sudoku, a complex puzzle combining winding turns, dead ends and odd-shaped stairwells. Pick up a muffin at Einstein’s and drop some crumbs, or no one will ever find you or your ‘study buddy’ again. ‘ ‘ ‘ For the less adventurous, the GSPIA/Economics Library offers the traditional stacks, with the benefit that the library is almost always deserted. ‘ ‘ ‘ If you aren’t looking for love but just want to hang out, Posvar is the place for you. There are dozens of dance and music groups on campus, and almost all of them practice in the Posvar lobby. ‘ ‘ ‘ Eschew your midterms for a real lesson in salsa dancing, or you can play the ever-entertaining game of ‘Wait 20 Minutes for a Printout’ at the computer lab. ‘ ‘ ‘ If you are overwhelmed by your workload and want a good excuse to skip your finals, you could always stand hopefully under the spiky sculpture-slash-death trap hanging in the Lobby. It’s all under one roof, folks. You can even go across the walkway and find some law students or freshmen to laugh at. ‘ ‘ ‘ The downside to all this is that Posvar is hideous, but don’t let the extra dose of ugly fool you. No mere hall could sprawl between South Bouquet and Bigelow and extend its tentacles into David Lawrence Hall, the law school and Towers Patio. No ordinary building could open its door to the masses stampeding inside to escape the inclement Pittsburgh weather. ‘ ‘ ‘ There’s a name for self-contained units that house thousands of people of workers and highly trained experts, you know. There’s a special term for places that feature advanced computer and communications centers, conference rooms, eating areas, extensive elevator and escalator systems, security forces and impregnable exteriors. They’re called spaceships, and we’re lucky enough to have one sitting right on our campus. ‘ ‘ ‘ And we can make it ours. We can eschew the flamboyant kindergarten colors of Hillman and the corrupt culture of ‘silence in the library’ in favor of Posvar, where all things are possible. ‘ ‘ ‘ Except actual studying. Ravi apologizes in advance for offending all science and non-science majors, as well as all cheerleaders, athletes and future trophy spouses. E-mail him at [email protected].