Don’t listen to the so-called heavy metal purists. Metallica’s new album is awesome. It’s… Don’t listen to the so-called heavy metal purists. Metallica’s new album is awesome. It’s called Death Magnetic, none of the songs are less than five minutes long, it’s got some of the sickest guitar riffs in the last decade, the soloing could make your fingers bleed, and it is heavy as all hell. Sounds like a metal classic, right? Well, as the many Metallica fans who wish it was still 1986 would say, ‘Dude, Metallica hasn’t been good since The Black Album. And even that kinda sucked.’ Now I think it’s time, as a favor for both Metallica and ourselves, to finally get this out in the open: No, the band doesn’t sound exactly like it did when it released its best album, Master of Puppets. And, no, it probably never will again. But it’s time to buck up and get over it, because the truth is, Metallica still kicks more ass than the majority of boring, thrashy, screamo bands out there today ‘mdash; and Metallica is twice their age.’ The whole Metallica quandary started almost 20 years ago. You see, in the great decade during which most of us were born, the ’80s, most of the music that came out really sucked (I’m sorry to all the Flock of Seagulls fans out there, but it’s true). Highest up on the genre awfulness category was hard rock, most specifically heavy metal. While subgenres of rock like indie/college rock (R.E.M., The Smiths) and hardcore punk (Black Flag, Minor Threat) were at their artistic peak, heavy metal was overcrowded with dudes looking like ladies, writing boring songs about cherry pie. Bands like Def Leppard, Poison and Bon Jovi touted themselves as heavy metal, but let’s be honest ‘mdash; the only thing metal about these guys was their jewelry. Enter the metal underground, in which bands like Metallica, Slayer and Anthrax kept the heavy metal of Black Sabbath waving faster than ever. Of all those bands, Metallica was the only one to break into the mainstream, musically crushing metal poseur groups in its wake with riffs that were faster, drums that were harder and lyrics that were darker than anything to ever creep through that hack Brett Michaels’ worst nightmares. In 1986, Metallica released Master of Puppets, which is arguably the best heavy metal album of all time. Every song is a classic. It’s fast. Really, really fast. These songs don’t get stuck in your head ‘mdash; they stomp around inside your skull wearing steel-toed boots. The record has sold more than six million copies and made Metallica the biggest genuine heavy metal band in the world. Then 1991 happened, and the ‘genuine heavy metal’ part of the previous sentence disappeared. Metallica was simply the biggest band in the world. It released The Black Album, with its dark, crushing mega-hit ‘Enter Sandman,’ and all the kids still listening to Def Leppard wet themselves and stopped pouring sugar on each other. But then something bad happened: Members of Metallica stopped drinking alcohol. Having almost drunk themselves to death through the ’80s, they sobered up, cut their hair and, in 1996, released Load. While the album was good ‘mdash; really, really good ‘mdash; it was a far cry from the band’s speed metal of yore. The record was full of hard-rocking, almost bluesy tunes, not the chugga-chugga-chugga guitar assault of its previous material. Metallica’s die-hard fans soon abandoned the band and moved on. The shift wasn’t made any easier by the fact that following albums were also decidedly un-metal.’ ReLoad of 1997 was even bluesier than Load. S’amp;M of 1999 was a live album recorded with a full orchestra (Note: violas are not metal), and 2003’s St. Anger was just plain awful. But now, with Death Magnetic, Metallica returned to the whirlwind speedy agro-metal of its heyday. And you know what? A whole lot of those dudes who walked out on Metallica in 1996 simply refuse to come back, citing reasons such as ‘It’s still not Master of Puppets,’ ‘It’s still not Kill ‘Em All,’ or ‘I don’t listen to metal anymore. I blew out my eardrums at a Slayer show in 1994.’ To you folks who just don’t want to accept that Metallica, once again, rocks, I say this: Bury your preconceived notions and stop throwing darts at your St. Anger poster. No, the band doesn’t sound exactly like it did in 1986. Singer James Hetfield’s voice is noticeably lower (and thereby, in my opinion, better). Robert Trujillo’s bass has a more rubbery sound than either Jason Newsted’s or original bassist Cliff Burton’s, and the lyrics are, if anything, even more focused on death than ever before. It is, admittedly, not quite as fast as the ’80s. But if you’ve been waiting since 1991 for a new Metallica album that sounded like Metallica, you’ve got it in Death Magnetic. Just forget about the ’90s and put your devil horns up.