‘ ‘ ‘ Steve Bartman probably doesn’t want any more press. He certainly doesn’t need it at this… ‘ ‘ ‘ Steve Bartman probably doesn’t want any more press. He certainly doesn’t need it at this point. But this past week marked the fifth anniversary of Bartman’s birth in infamy, the night he became another scapegoat in Cubs superstition. ‘ ‘ ‘ On Oct. 14, 2003, in the eighth inning of Game 6 of the National League Championship Series between the Cubs and Florida Marlins, Bartman made what is now the most infamous attempt to catch a foul ball. And because Cubs outfielder Moises Alou reacted like a kindergartner after Bartman hit the ball (which he apparently now says he wouldn’t have caught anyway), and because the Cubs imploded so close to the World Series, Bartman and his family, lifelong Cubs fans, were abused beyond sanity’s city limits. ‘ ‘ ‘ After the incident, and after Mark Prior gave up eight runs to the Marlins and the Cubs lost, Bartman needed a police escort out of Wrigley Field, which didn’t help him escape fans pelting him with stadium junk. Police then had to sit outside his family’s house while fans issued them death threats before the Bartmans changed their phone number. Gov. Rod Blagojevich of Illinois suggested that Bartman enter a witness protection program, and Gov. Jeb Bush down in Florida would have been happy to harbor him. He was treated like an FBI informant who just ratted on the biggest mob in Chicago. ‘ ‘ ‘ For fans of a team that got the closest to the World Series since the last time it was in it ‘- 1945 ‘- superstition becomes a crutch. The whole goat thing that started it all back in that ’45 Series, the black cat ordeal in 1969 and Bartman are events that help explain the team blundering when it couldn’t have naturally done so. ‘ ‘ ‘ Every fan base of every team pretty much everywhere brings up superstition when things don’t go the way they expected them to go. Just the way Bartman was treated by many of the people who would have done the same thing he did was unbelievable. Superstition and disappointment never should lead to violence ‘mdash; over baseball, nonetheless. ‘ ‘ ‘ All of this has settled now, of course. It’s been five years, after all. The Cubs and many others have resolved that Bartman wasn’t to blame for the Cubs eventually losing that series. But almost every October, surely every postseason in which the Cubs play, we’ll be force-fed clips of Bartman, reaching for the ball, then sitting there, almost terrified, with his Cubs hat and headphones on, probably listening to some radio guy replay what he just did. And every year we’ll be reminded of how not to react to something like that happening. Now this is happening: — Boxer Vitali Klitschko, it turns out, wraps his hands with his son’s wet diapers to keep them from swelling too much after fighting. ‘Baby wee is good because it’s pure, doesn’t contain toxins and doesn’t smell,’ Klitschko said after defeating Samuel Peter to reclaim his WBC heavyweight title last weekend. And to think, all these years, I was using ice for my puffy left eye. — Many Bengals fans are jumping ship, dumping their tickets to the remainder of the team’s home games because the Bengals suck. But I know what could bring them all back! A pre-game barbecue bash before Boomer Esiason bobblehead day. Then they could trot out all the rest of the Bengals greats (Hahahaha!) at halftime before wrapping it all up with a Neil Diamond concert and fireworks. Game? What game? — Trevor Wikre, an offensive lineman from Mesa State University, told doctors to cut off his irrevocably injured right pinky so he could play in the final few games of his senior season. Not necessarily a ‘long-term’ decision, I’d say. Three or four games aren’t worth not being able to type a ‘P,’ semicolon or question mark, show class when drinking wine or champagne or make lewd gestures in Japan for the rest of your life. — Heisman Trophy dark horse: Mark Wahlberg. — Sports movie quote trivia of the day: ‘You know, if my dog were as ugly as you, I’d tell him to shave his butt and walk backwards.’ — Did anybody catch Ludacris on Mike and Mike the other day? Turns out it was at his album listening party in Dallas that Pacman Jones had the tussle with his bodyguard, which makes sense now: The lyrics that glamorize a life of ‘guns and violence,’ among other things, must have gotten Pacman chompin’. Bill O’Reilly was way ahead of the curve. — I can’t do it. We’ll do it live! I’ll write it, and WE’LL DO IT LIVE! — That was a vintage O’Reilly off-camera blowup. Haven’t seen it? YouTube. — More on Pacman, he’s suspended for at least four games for that little scuffle. Whether or not he was just trying to get hyped or not is irrelevant. Anyway, it reminds me of when he was suspended for a whole season, needed money and tried in vain to get into TNA wrestling. Total Nonstop Action, by the way, just to avoid any confusion. — Sports movie quote trivia answer of the day: You’re killin’ me, Smalls. Hamilton Porter. Sandlot. — Hey … let’s name Saturday’s Pitt-Navy clash: The Cavort by the Port, The Maritime Meltdown, The Navy Blue Review, The Annapolis Encounter. Anybody? E-mail Pat at [email protected]