I’m worried, people. Gas is at $4 a gallon. Our government is acting like Daniel Day-Lewis… I’m worried, people. Gas is at $4 a gallon. Our government is acting like Daniel Day-Lewis when it comes to oil. We need a solution, and we need it quickly. We’re the United States, for crying out loud! How dare we pay the same price for oil that other countries have been paying for years? When will some brave, courageous and uncomfortably attractive individual come along with the answer?

That time is now.

I, an uncomfortably attractive individual, have discovered the ultimate solution for several problems in American culture, including the gas prices. The saying goes, “less is more.” I agree with this in all situations, except for when counting present biddies. However, in this situation, my idea is appropriate.

Horses.

Yes. If every American traded in his car for a horse, we would see a drastic decrease in our oil addiction as well as our societal deficiencies. Think about it.

The very act of “riding” a horse rids us of the act of “driving” a car. This relieves us of our pain at the pump. You can’t put a gas nozzle in a horse. Not with good results, anyway.

The more horses that are being used as transportation, the fewer that are making their way to the glue factory. Environmentally friendly people can rest easy knowing that they are saving a horse’s life by turning it into a slave. They will also be happy to note that horses will not require any drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. Caribou can rest easy