The golden rule.

Treat others as you would like to be treated. Do not do unto others what… The golden rule.

Treat others as you would like to be treated. Do not do unto others what you would not want done unto yourself. We’ve all heard it a thousand different ways, a thousand different times, but I, for one, definitely forget to follow it sometimes.

A lot of the time.

OK. Almost always.

I kid, I kid. We’re all nice people, and we’re not as self-centered and arrogant as the whole of Europe thinks we are. But sometimes, just sometimes, we have sly ways of sneaking around that shiny mantra. And it’s time to quit.

For your benefit and my own, I’m providing five very common Golden Rule-breaking scenarios. Next time we find ourselves in that situation, we’ll be sure to change our ways.

Or at least we can entertain the thought.

1. You’re walking to class, multi-tasking by eating a sandwich of some kind – let’s say Italian – and the napkin you’re holding drops to the ground. It’s not even windy. You could pick it up right now. But you want to avoid the embarrassment of sticking your bottom in the air in the middle of walking traffic, and you’re also a little lazy (aren’t we all), so you pretend you didn’t even see it happen. What napkin? Deep down where the love grows, though, we all realize that after hours of picking up trash that was actually intentionally dropped, or just generally mopping and neatening, no custodian needs to suffer the embarrassment of sticking her bottom in the air. Pick that thing up.

2. Reclining all the way back in the seat. As a student who always flies or busses home for breaks, this is a dilemma I am often presented with, especially since I’m tall. It’s one I can proudly say I never inflict on others. I really, truly know just how flipping annoying it is that seats even recline. (Sleep sitting up, you’ll live). But since they do, ask yourself, am I the only one on the bus? Or the train or the plane? Probably not. I understand that you want to sleep, but I want to be able to stand up again in a few hours. It’s not looking likely if you keep pressing into my knees. Also, I want to avoid that burning desire to give you a big fat wet willy, which is just as distracting as your face in my face and will probably result in my getting kicked off the tiny transportation vehicle.

3. Needless, obnoxious yelling. Unless you’re at a Britney Spears concert, there’s no need to be screaming. (If you are at a Britney Spears concert, you should definitely be screaming, and what you should be screaming is “Why am I at a Britney Spears concert?”) I’m absolutely the first to forget this rule in particular, so I have some sympathy. I’m a talkative, energetic person on most days, and everyone’s volume level gets a little out of control sometimes. Forgivable. Not forgivable? Spotting yo’ homies on the other side of Market Central and snapping your vocal chords in two, shouting something weird like “Chicka chicka yeah! MC is where it’s at, brotha!” Or if you’re stereotypically female, and you just plain scream with excitement – I often do – you can also take notes here.

4. Innocently “glancing” at the test of the girl sitting next to you. First of all, just because she’s wearing glasses doesn’t mean she’s smart. (Anyone who hasn’t learned that lesson yet can skip this entire paragraph). Second of all, she notices – yes, she really does. We all notice. Now she has to concentrate on the hard exam and she has to be a jerk and guard her paper with her elbow or something. That’s not even comfortable to look at. It’s such a freaky/awkward arm placement and I wouldn’t like it at all.

5. Trying to wiggle your way out of your chunk of a group assignment. Actually, let me preface that by turning the spotlight on the professor who hypothetically assigned a group project – were you never in school once?

Do you not remember how awful group projects are? But, back to us students, it’s a continuing pattern: You’re not fooling anybody. The other group members don’t like introduction to biopsychological chemistry of computer-based machines from France any more than you do, but you’re all in this together. Did you not see “High School Musical?”

So there we have it.

I mean, I’m pretty sure that if we can bring back big hair, we can bring back anything. Let’s hear it for the golden rule!

E-mail Carolyn at [email protected] if you love “High School Musical.”