I’ve got a car, and when I drive around I like to listen to the radio. Most of the time, I… I’ve got a car, and when I drive around I like to listen to the radio. Most of the time, I listen to either classic rock or modern rock, and that pretty much limits my Pittsburgh stations to two or three choices. This isn’t a problem most of the time, since I can usually find a good song somewhere on the radio. But if I chance to be driving around before 10 a.m. on a weekday, instead of music, I’m treated to the spectacle of the radio morning show.

Every station has one, which is one of the things that annoys me the most, since they’re all the exact same thing. A couple of wisecracking DJs sit around reading each other news stories and then make fun of them, or each other, or some other clever variation on the theme. Tune any radio to pretty much any station between the hours of 6 a.m. and 10 a.m. Monday through Friday, and this is what you’ll hear.

It’s annoying, because the last thing I want to hear when I’m driving around in the morning is some self-proclaimed comedian read the same hilarious and wacky news stories that every other hilarious and wacky DJ is reading as well on every other radio station.

I mean, is it too much to ask for some music in the morning? Usually I’m grumpy because I’m awake early in the morning – to me, early is before the clock has reached double digits on the hour hand – and having to deal with traffic and pedestrians and outrageous gas prices. Listening to some “hilarious” DJ talk about the latest stupid criminal in Pigspit, Iowa, isn’t helping anything.

It might be better if there was any actual humor in the radio shows, but most of what gets played on these stations sounds like the ideas that MadTV rejected for being too stupid, and that’s saying quite a bit. Either it’s the same unfunny variation on a theme, sports nonsense or some blatantly oversexed misogynist trash that the DJs put on so they can sound “edgy.”

I know Pittsburgh loves its sports teams, and I’m not trying to say that it shouldn’t. We’ve got some pretty decent sports here, except for the Pirates, whom I consider to be the worst lost cause in the history of lost causes. But having the entire roster of the Pittsburgh Steelers on your radio show isn’t interesting. We already know how the game went, and anyone who cares already listened to the postgame show. I, however, don’t care, so I don’t want to listen to another one when I’m trying to find some decent music.

Or, you could take one of my favorite (read: least favorite ever) segments, which is a call-in response session called “Head or Tail.” The basic premise of “Head or Tail” is that a bunch of listeners call in and are given a choice between two women who fit a theme. One of the ones I can remember recently was Government Sex Scandals, and the caller was given a choice between Monica Lewinsky and Ashley Alexandra Dupre. Other segments include “Are You Smarter than the Intern” and