Television news has a way of capturing the most important issues of the day. From Britney’s… Television news has a way of capturing the most important issues of the day. From Britney’s poor performance at the VMAs to Sally Field’s Emmy speech being censored, television journalists always know how to deliver to the public everything they need to know.

This has recently been reaffirmed. A lot has been said about O.J. Simpson and a student at the University of Florida lately. After putting the details together, I think O.J. may have been the victim of a Taser from police after he tried to rob John Kerry during a speech.

Wait. No, I’m reading now that those are two separate incidents.

So a student was Tased during a John Kerry speech. The student, Andrew Meyer, was asked to leave the microphone and he refused. Police struggled with him and eventually used a Taser.

I can understand the reasoning of the police in this situation. Everyone knows that if John Kerry is asked too many questions or placed in a stressful situation, his memory chip becomes overloaded and his motherboard begins to malfunction. Then smoke comes out of his ears. This has been cited as the reason behind his botched joke about the troops and his flip-flopping on the issues.

Both TV news and the blogosphere are going crazy over this story. There is talk of excessive police force and unnecessary use of power.

If you ask me, I think the cop Tased Meyer because he called him a “bro.” No one likes to be called a bro. Not even bros like to be called bros.

But of course, no one hears the “pro-Tasing” side of the argument. The biased media never gives an outlet to these voices. Where are the people who think that being Tased builds character?

I think the Taser could be effectively used as a tool for democracy. If the government gave every citizen a Taser and every citizen was allowed to use it on one person per week, there would be a decrease in violent crimes, robberies, drug use and most importantly, people who never stop talking.

Granted, this is a radical idea. But it is not as if people will be allowed to just Taser anyone. Every week, citizens must fill out necessary paperwork explaining who they Tased and why. Tasing people simply because someone feels like Tasing someone else is out of the question.

This includes self-Tasing. If a police officer sees someone Tasing himself, he is allowed to Taser that person and take them to jail.

Also, people who do not use their Taser are rewarded with roll-over Tasings. So if someone really has it coming, it would be beneficial to save a weekly use for about two months.

If everyone carried a Taser, then everyone would have the equal risk of being Tased. This would cause people to really think before they start speaking. It would silence many hurtful comments. It would also give TV news enough stories to last them for years.

Imagine Wolf Blitzer saying, “And who is Tasing Lindsay Lohan now?”

The addition of Tasers would also help the sad ratings of the primary debates. How much more interesting and informative would these debates be if the candidates were allowed to Taser one another? Every time a candidate spews out a talking point, someone like Mike Gravel would shock them.

But perhaps the most effective use of the Taser will come when people notice the reckless and unnecessary use of Tasers on the part of others. Sometimes people will use theirs in a way that is not deemed necessary in the Citizen’s Guide to Tasing. Law-abiding citizens must balance these people.

For example, what if there was a political speech at a university and a student asking questions got a little out of hand? Lets say that the cops used force outside of their legal ability. Someone should be responsible for holding even law enforcement accountable for unnecessary action.

Hopefully, all of the Tasing will eventually create a situation in which people no longer need to use this kind of force. Eventually, people will just be aware of when they are offensive or annoying. When someone wants to say or do something, they will remember the discomfort of the shock.

Imagine there’s no violence. I wonder if you can. No need for Tasing students at speeches. A brotherhood of man. Imagine all the people living life in peace.

Tasers Across America. It’s a plan that even John Lennon would have supported.

But until someone is brave enough to work to put a program like this into effect, citizens will have to live with tolerating the mean, the insulting, the hurtful and the ridiculous.

Find this position shocking? Email Josh at [email protected].