I keep seeing articles in the news telling people what they should and shouldn’t eat. Just… I keep seeing articles in the news telling people what they should and shouldn’t eat. Just this week I’ve seen articles that told me that too much salt in my food is bad, that strawberries are good, and that tea could maybe help prevent skin cancer. In the past I’ve seen articles about the powers of red wine, the antioxidant effects of blueberries and the horrors of preservative chemicals. Some articles even try to bring ethics into it, suggesting I should boycott fast food chains that treat animals inhumanely.

Now I know many people watch what they eat to some degree. Not too much fat, not too much sugar, lots of veggies and fiber and all that good stuff. I’m fine with that. Good for you, showing restraint and logic in your choices. But in addition to those congratulations is a caveat: Even though you like your diet, you don’t get to tell me what to eat.

I’m a healthy guy. I’m not overweight, I’m not out of shape, I rarely get sick, and when I do, I’m over it quickly. So I get insulted when someone tells me that what I’m eating is unhealthy or that I’d do better with less this or more that. I know perfectly well how to take care of myself, thank you very much. But apparently eating “healthy” comes with excessive moral baggage, to the point that people who take it seriously feel the need to give everyone who isn’t following their health regime advice, “for their own good,” as one of my friends put it.

Look, I know what’s good for me. I know that too much saturated fat or cholesterol is bad, and I know that fiber and fruits and vegetables are good. But I also know that I don’t always enjoy eating low-fat, reduced-sodium, all-natural soybean curd, and sometimes I want a hamburger from McDonald’s with large fries and a chocolate milkshake. And the best part is, after I’m done eating something like that, I don’t feel bad about myself! But when I eat something along those lines with a few of my more health-conscious friends, it can have a wearing effect on my brain. I start thinking: Maybe all this crap is really bad for me. Maybe I’m falling apart from the inside out, right here at the lunch table! Suddenly my juicy rare burger is ashes in my mouth, and the golden french fries beside it might as well be made of rubber.

In my opinion, that shouldn’t happen. I should be able to enjoy a meal no matter what anyone else thinks of it or what they think it’s doing to my body. If you have an opinion in regards to my full rack of ribs or bucket of wings, please keep it to yourself – at least until we’re done eating. I don’t criticize people for eating leafy green vegetables, even though I could say that I’m getting more protein and complex amino acids in my nice meaty meal. Instead I keep my mouth shut – something health nuts seem to have a hard time doing.

Of course, if there’s one thing worse than a health-conscious eater, it’s a morally conscious eater. These people can’t get off my back when it comes to how horrible the treatment of cows, chickens and pigs are. They keep bringing up figures in regards to how many animals die each year just so I can get a steak and how wasteful and reprehensible the whole process is.

OK, I get that you don’t like what I’m eating, but telling me while I’m eating it is not about to change my mind. Call me heartless, but I have a hard time empathizing with a New York strip steak. Maybe a better strategy would be to start while the animals are still, oh I don’t know, alive. But even then, I would probably be unaffected. I grew up in central Pennsylvania, which means I was near a lot of two things: deer and cows. I’ve known cows on a very personal level, and I still have no qualms about enjoying beef now and again. And besides, if we simultaneously stopped eating all our meat animals at once, it would wreak havoc throughout the world. Methane emission and manure production would sharply increase, agricultural areas would be overrun with animals, and it would eventually be impossible to grow enough food to feed them all. Personally, I’d rather people keep eating chickens and have a world to live in than the other way around.

Don’t think I’m cruel, please. I’m realistic. People enjoy eating meat every once in a while, and it’s nice to be able to buy it from a store rather than having to go out and kill it yourself with a pointy stick. I personally don’t plan on changing my diet any time soon, no matter what anyone says is wrong with it. I like my food, even if it is greasy or fatty now and then. And since I enjoy it, and nothing is going to keep me from enjoying it, do me (and everyone else who doesn’t want to know) a favor and keep your advice to yourself. And besides, it’s not nice to talk with your mouth full.

If you think you could eat four fried chicken breasts, a mound of french fries and two slices of cheesecake without any regrets afterward, e-mail Richard at [email protected].