Hold the latte, folks. Starbucks has finally gone too far.

For years now, this behemoth of… Hold the latte, folks. Starbucks has finally gone too far.

For years now, this behemoth of pricey coffee and comfy chairs has not only served caffeine but also culture. That is, you were not just paying for Starbucks drinks and food, but also for the Starbucks atmosphere: decor not unlike a ski lodge, with overstuffed chairs in which you could sit back and breathe in the capitalism, a faux fireplace and in-ground plugs to keep customers connected to the Internet. The employees are generally jovial, whether they care to be or not, the lights are never too bright or too dim and the Rice Krispie squares are gigantic. Starbucks has effectively monopolized the coffee world. Sure, Oakland has two Kiva Han locations, but get this: Within only 20 miles of our zip code, there are almost 50 Starbucks locations. That’s 40 more than there are Wal-Marts in the same radius. Either the demand for Frappuccinos has increased dramatically, or this coffee conglomerate is onto something. Being the aurally engrossed soul that I am, though, it’s the music at Starbucks that gets my attention – not only the music that is playing in the coffee shops, but also the music that is sold. Anyone who has ever walked into a Starbucks knows that they sell both munchies and music.

But Starbucks doesn’t sell just any random assortment of CDs. The brand of music sold at Starbucks fits into a genre well-crafted and thought out to form what the company’s heads must think is the perfect blend of sounds for the atmosphere they want to create. Norah Jones is a Starbucks baby. So are Joss Stone and Belle and Sebastian. These artists straddle, quite successfully, the middle of the road. Their sound is not revolutionary or jarring in any way. Rather, the bands and artists embraced by Starbucks, played in seemingly more shops in the country than there are record shops, are completely safe. They are soothing. They are calming. They make me want to sip a drink with entirely too much sugar in it while reading a book and sitting in a very comfortable chair. It’s the mood-setting music of Starbucks that truly seals the deal for this uber-successful conglomerate.

To some people, this Starbucks genre is downright depressing.

“Who ever said that coffee and wanting to kill yourself had to do with each other?” said a disgruntled employee and friend of mine when I asked him about listening to the same playlist for an entire eight-hour shift.

With music, though, I feel Starbucks has gotten a bit too ambitious. This coffee chain, the same company that produces exactly seven different types of iced espressos, has its own record label. Therefore, Starbucks is not only playing music in its stores, but also grooming bands from their beginnings. This ensures that Starbucks customers will have precisely the right mix of songs to nod their heads to while sipping coffee. Starbucks has officially invaded the music industry. And just two days ago, the company hit the jackpot: None other than Paul McCartney signed a record deal with Starbucks. This leaves me with only one thing to say: What the hell, Paul? Are you serious? It’s sad but true: The same guy who is partially responsible for probably the greatest band of all time now works for a coffee store. Thanks, Paul, for dashing my faith in rock ‘n’ roll as the most true medium for independent spirits. The music of visionary genius Paul McCartney and crumb cake are now products of the same company. Wow. Rock ‘n’ roll is just so edgy nowadays. So what can be learned from this situation? First, if you’re actually going to buy a CD instead of download it, which I strongly suggest, do it at an independent record store. Starbucks doesn’t need your $17.99, but some music shop run by poor college dudes really does.

Second, I think this deal represents a synthesis of all the steps in the recording process. By both producing and directly selling music, Starbucks has basically erased all the steps of promoting and developing new bands – things that are crucial to artists becoming the best they can be.

Just as Wal-Mart has become the one-stop shop for anything a middle-America household might need, Starbucks has become the same for the coffee shop culture, selling the drinks, the music, the books, the image and the culture of the younger, jet-setting class of college and business-class Americans. So is my argument that all of this is wrong? Well, not necessarily. I mean, hey, this is America and chain stores can do what they want. We’re a capitalist nation after all. But, really, does Starbucks need to breed their own army of musicians instead of simply creating a playlist for customers to listen to in the store? While there is no definitive answer, I think I’ll stick with iTunes.

If you like your Frappuccinos with a side of Paul McCartney, let Justin know at [email protected].