All of those old wives’ tales teen-age boys heard saying that too much masturbation can make… All of those old wives’ tales teen-age boys heard saying that too much masturbation can make them go blind just might be true, but not in the way worried moms once claimed.

A recent study shows that the erectile dysfunction drug Viagra can cause blindness.

Watch out, Bob Dole, we don’t want you falling off any more podiums.

In the past six months, we’ve seen drug after drug pulled from the market because of serious side effects that should have been discovered before they ever hit the shelves. Now, one of America’s top selling prescription medications is proving to be just as defective as those arthritis medications that increase the chance of a stroke.

Looks like we jumped the gun. Again. From roller coasters to medications, Americans have such a drive to be the biggest and best at everything that they completely forget about safety. Take for instance what was, last summer at least, the tallest roller coaster in the world, Cedar Point’s Top Thrill Dragster.

A $25 million statue, it seems it was shut down more often than it was open during its first two seasons. With rumors of metal shards flying and the cars not being able to make it up the 420-foot hill, the park was constantly shutting down the ride to ensure its safety. But why was it erected in the first place if it wasn’t completely safe?

The same can be said for medications being put on the market. Why are we releasing these things before we know if they’re completely safe? Has safety become completely unimportant to America? In the quest to become the first, the biggest and the best, common sense and safety have become secondary issues. Or is it simply that they have become secondary issues where the average American is concerned?

In a somewhat unrelated story, a New York audit revealed that state subsidies were providing 198 sex offenders behind bars with Viagra. In Sunday’s Palm Beach Post, columnist Frank Cerabino stated that soon after New York’s announcement — Florida made its own –it provided 218 sex offenders with Viagra thanks to Medicaid.

As Cerabino explains, the reason the sex offenders are able to receive the drug is because they happen to live in a state whose government decided that Viagra wasn’t in the same class as a fertility drug, rather it was a necessary medication.

I shudder to think of why this is necessary in prison.

Is it just me, or is something wrong with this idea? We’re giving men who have been jailed for committing serious, sexual crimes a drug that will, in all essence, increase their sexual ability? Or are we trying to make them blind?

Is it possible that these state governments knew of the side effects of this drug and are using this as a form of potential punishment? Or are they thinking that allowing prisoners to walk around with that sort of, shall we say, discomfort is an additional punishment?

OK, even I realize I’m starting to sound like a conspiracy theorist here. While I know that Viagra has uses other than combating erectile dysfunction, particularly for cardiovascular disorders, I’m not fool enough to believe that all 416 of these sex offenders have that specific heart problem that can only be treated with Viagra.

The way I see it, the recent Viagra controversies show us two things about American society. First off, we’re too consumed with being No. 1, and second, we’re worrying about the wrong things concerning the wrong people. Why not use that Medicaid money to provide some child with a lower co-pay on her asthma inhaler, or a senior citizen with a lower price on his cholesterol medication?

What it all comes down to is the fact that America has no idea what it wants. In our last election, the catch words were “moral values,” yet here we are, putting what is important — one another’s well-being — behind everything else in the search for superiority. Life’s not about being the best or the first at something. Put priorities back where they belong.

And while you’re at it, just take Viagra off the market already. Do we really want Bill Clinton walking around in 10 years doing commercials for it?

Daveen is a certified pharmacy technician and has plenty of embarrassing stories about her experiences with dispensing Viagra. E-mail her at [email protected].