This past weekend, I went undercover into the great outdoors and did some investigative… This past weekend, I went undercover into the great outdoors and did some investigative journalism. More specifically, I explored the worlds of underage drinking and fishing without a license.

Several college buddies and I went to our friend’s cabin in central Pennsylvania for the weekend. Miles away from civilization and with no phone reception or computers, we were disconnected from the world. It was the type of manliness not normally achieved by suburbanites like myself, and after years of wondering, I know now what it is to be a man.

But enough of my ruminating; the weekend was a lot of fun. I am not really accustomed to the worlds of swimming in creeks, boating, fishing and other nonsense, and it showed. I am responsible for sinking the canoe twice in three minutes, and for almost killing myself, and several others, on a rope swing. Still, I am glad I had several of these near-death experiences, because it’s the only way I’ll learn.

After our weekend was over, and we had cleaned up the empty bottles of beer lying all around the house, we began our drive back. We had turned on the radio to get traffic reports when, instead, we heard a KYW news report. The report said that parents need to worry more about children in the summer, and that playgrounds are potential death traps. The woman called it “summers of trauma,” and then proceeded to say that emergency rooms are already filling up with children.

The report didn’t seem to bother my friends very much, one of whom was sleeping and another was looking out the car window at several girls, but I sat bolt upright in the car seat. My brain quickly kicked into overtime. I began to wonder why we coddle children so much in this country.

I thought it was assumed that children are going to find ways of injuring themselves like the little lemmings they are. And shouldn’t these alleged traumatic summers follow from the fact that, in the summertime, people are more active, spend more time outdoors and therefore are more prone to injury?

The biggest complaint I have about the news is the sensational aspect of it, and “summers of trauma” demonstrated that. In the 30 seconds that the “expert” was on the air, the good doctor provided no facts, no statistics and no analysis. She delivered her big, scary monologue, and then the station cut to a commercial.

Her use of the phrase “I can already see the emergency room filling up” conjures an image of some civil war site, with thousands of injured children lying in a field with hacked-off limbs. You can hear “Battle Hymn of the Republic” playing patriotically as Timmy, age 7, who fell off the monkey bars and sprained his wrist, is wheeled into the emergency room.

The news report didn’t serve to tell parents anything insightful, like “avoid the monkey bars after a rain” but instead served only to create unnecessary panic.

The reason for this has to be the stiff competition nowadays for the ratings, but I don’t think it is the news’ job necessarily to compete. But today there is very little a news program can maintain in its journalistic integrity when it is pitted against “Cribs” and “E-True Hollywood story: Lindsey Lohan.”

Half of the news this past week was about Tom Cruise and some thing he did on “Oprah.” The other half of the news is ways that we are in danger. If you don’t believe me, look at the fact that the odds of dying in a shark attack are 1:265 million, and the news breaks into special coverage and plays the theme music from “Jaws” every time one happens.

It is also like the situation of that girl who is missing in Aruba. This is not to say that the case isn’t sad, but it is such a sensationalized story that many people will now fear going to the Caribbean. Some frightened mother somewhere will tell her daughter, who is Aruba-bound after graduation, “Well, I don’t know … isn’t that whole area a little iffy?”

Perhaps it will still be a long time before we have Care-Bear News Show with anchorbear Love E. Heartsalot. But I think we need to do better than our current Death Hour with Dr. Kevorkian.

We need to expect more from our journalists. Instead of having what amounts to modern-day variety shows as our unimpeachable sources of news and knowledge, I hope someday to find a good, reliable voice in the midst of TV land; someone who can resist the temptation to turn an animal attack into CNN presents Shark Week.

Sam Morey wants to be a news anchor someday, but some say he has a girly voice. Send mail to [email protected].