God spoke to me the other night.

I dozed off watching the replay of the “Miracle on Ice,”… God spoke to me the other night.

I dozed off watching the replay of the “Miracle on Ice,” but a second later I was on a couch in a living room. ESPNEWS was on television, showing a replay of NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman’s speech that cancelled the hockey season.

“Shame, isn’t it?” said a voice from behind me. I spun around, and there He was, nothing like I’d ever pictured. The beard was there, but He was of average height, missing a few front teeth, and wearing a New York Rangers sweatshirt.

Like anyone, my initial thought was to ask Him the meaning of life, but I figured that was too generic. Instead, I said, “I always figured You as the baseball type.”

“I used to be. Hockey was my No. 2 sport,” He said.

“Seriously?” I asked, amazed. “Not football?”

“It makes sense if you think about it,” He explained. “The signs are all there. Example: the Devils are the most boring team in the NHL.”

“I suppose that does make sense,” I conceded.

“I gave up on baseball when the ’93 Phillies won the National League,” He went on. “No team that dirty deserves to win a pennant.”

“I understand,” I replied, thinking of Pete Incaviglia. “But if hockey’s always been a passion, too, and You’re a Rangers fan, why did You let them go so long without winning the Cup?”

“I got real into electric football and stopped paying attention for a couple of decades,” He said sheepishly. “It’s the same reason the A’s won the series three straight times in the 1970s. I was distracted.”

I still wasn’t convinced. “If You’re such a fan, then why the strike?”

He sighed. “Because hockey thinks it’s more important than it really is. It’s gotten to be too much for Me. This is a baseball nation turning into a football nation. Hockey is not the top draw here, and no hockey people get that.”

He started pacing. “Players are pushing for higher salaries for a product that’s not selling! The ratings for hockey finals are about the same as the XFL’s were, yet players are still convinced that they’re the greatest show on Earth! They’re so wrong. The game’s been boring ever since Gretzky left. Nobody knows how to score anymore.”

“Iginla’s not so bad,” I offered for hockey’s sake. “And neither is Martin St. Louis.”

“Yeah, but how many points did they score last year?” God retorted. “You add them together, you still don’t get some of Gretzky’s seasons.”

What could I say? The Man knew his stuff. “So it’s the players’ fault?”

He plopped down on the couch next to me. “That’s just it. It’s the owners, too! Who do they think they are, raising ticket prices higher than the gross national product of most Caribbean nations? And moving franchises to the South? Why not expand in, say, Canada?”

“Not to correct the Almighty, but You did let the Panthers and Lightning win titles,” I pointed out.

He cringed. “Electric football relapse. But getting back to my point, I’ve decided to cancel the season.”

“The whole thing?” I asked. “What about just a 28-game season?”

“I’ll think about it,” He said. “But I think a cancelled year will do more. It’ll send them a firmer message.”

I stared, not understanding.

“It won’t be like baseball’s strike,” He went on. “No commercials begging them to come back, no regular updates on any progress. I know there are fans out there who will miss the game, but I have to prioritize. Both sides of the hockey debate need to understand that the sports world as a whole isn’t losing sleep over not having them around. They’ll be back next year, I promise. And when they are, they’ll have a better perspective on things.”

“You make a good case,” I observed.

“Well, I am God,” He grinned. “I really should get going, though. That’s the drawback to being omnipresent. You have to be everywhere at once.”

“I won’t keep You,” I said. “Thanks for taking a moment with me.”

Then I realized something.

“So, the beard…”

“Yep,” He smiled. “Didn’t shave during the playoff run My sophomore year of college, and just liked the way it looked.”

“Wow,” I breathed as He disappeared. “You really are a hockey fan.”