I’m made of plastic; it’s fantastic

The formerly blond, disproportionately thin Barbie has undergone a makeover. Er, well, let’s just say that there’s more realistic version of her now. The new dolls are known as “Normal Barbies,” or, “Lammily dolls,” named after their designer, Nickolay Lamm. She’s a brunette, has the body proportions of the average woman and even comes with stickers that can give her acne, cellulite and stretch marks. Lamm, told The Huffington Post that the idea was to give dolls a “real treatment” because “Things like acne, stretch marks and cellulite are a natural part of who we are.” To make things even more realistic, “Normal Barbie” also comes with a plastic surgeon action figure.

Groundhog day

A New Hampshire man had an altercation with a groundhog on Wednesday that ended in bloodshed. In recounting the incident to his local news station, Gary McGrath asserted that he was working in his garage when the groundhog charged him. He tried to push him away with his foot to no avail — the groundhog refused to stop terrorizing him and his garage. McGrath promptly called animal control while seeking refuge in his truck. When the animal control officer came, he put the groundhog down. Naturally, the forest community is outraged that the groundhog was executed before receiving his due process.

#GamerAte

One of the biggest problems for gamers is hunger — they simply cannot pause the game to go make a pizza. Fortunately, Xbox One has found a solution to this conundrum. Whilst playing, gamers can now just yell, “feed me” at their Xbox One and the system will order a pie from nearest Dominos. As a result, Microsoft predicts that hangry rage quits will drop dramatically in the coming months.