And you thought those plastic surgery and house-teardown makeover shows were extreme!

A… And you thought those plastic surgery and house-teardown makeover shows were extreme!

A British reality show that begins airing in two weeks will show couples having sex on camera while a pair of co-hosts assess their performance and offer suggestions for improvement.

“Sex Inspectors,” a late-night advice show emceed by former Australian Cosmopolitan editor Tracey Cox and gay co-presenter Michael Alvear, will take cameras into the bedrooms of couples in their 20s and 30s and dispense tips involving sex toys, cocoa butter and the like.

“All the people who went on it knew what they were up for, they had a personality that could cope, and they quite liked the fact that the rest of Britain would be watching,” said Cox, author of “Hot Sex” and “Supersex,” defending the concept.

The show, which will air at 11 p.m. on the U.K.’s Channel 4 beginning Nov. 23, is the brainchild of Daisy Goodwin, who previously came up with “How Clean Is Your House?”

Opening episodes are being closely guarded by the television producers, who anticipate outrage from the tabloid press. And while we’re not saying it could never happen, we’re not holding our breath waiting for the American version.

ALL IN THE FAMILY

Does another Clinton have a book in the works? Gossip maven Cindy Adams reports that former first daughter Chelsea Clinton, who eschews publicity and is notoriously reluctant to be interviewed about her life, has hired uber-PR guy Howard Rubenstein. What could the reason be? Adams notes that the former White House kid is regarded as an accomplished writer.

SHOOT IT LIKE BECKHAM

Sometimes worldwide fame as an athlete and noted stud is simply not fulfilling enough.

And so, fulfilling a longtime dream, hunky soccer star David Beckham, who plays for team Real Madrid, will get a crack at movie stardom when he appears in all three films of a trilogy called “Goal!” It’s due next year from Mel Gibson’s Icon Productions.

Mexican actor Diego Luna (“Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights”) plays an East L.A. footballer who, in Parts 1 and 2, signs with Britain’s Newcastle United and ends up competing with Beckham’s team. The fictional finale takes place at the 2006 World Cup.

MISCAST AT SEA?

Marisa Tomei wants it known that she is not a geezer. She did not, repeat, “did not,” sign on to join something called an Alaska Theater Cruise in the company of a large group of geriatric performers, despite what it says in an ad that recently appeared in the New Yorker.

Oscar-winner Tomei, who is on the cusp of 40 and is currently on the big screen as Jude Law’s love interest in “Alfie,” was not pleased to see her name listed as a performing participant on the cruise next spring aboard the Radisson Mariner, along with Patricia Neal, 78; Ed Asner, 74; Gena Rowlands, 74; Cliff Robertson, 81; Eartha Kitt, 77; Lee Roy Reams, 62; and Jerry Orbach, 69.

Tomei’s career has had its ups and downs since she took home a supporting-actress statuette for “My Cousin Vinny” in 1992, in accordance with the well-known Curse of the Supporting Actress Oscar. But Hollywood lawyer Marty Singer said Tomei’s career is currently in swell shape and furthermore a deal for her to head north to Alaska was never finalized. Singer murmured something about possible legal action.

The Theater Guild, which runs the cruise, pays actors “a reasonable amount” in addition to the free trip, to mingle with and perform for passengers, the majority of whom are retirees, said Guild president Philip Langner.

SISTER SMACKDOWN

As difficult as it may be to imagine Hilary and Hayley Duff spoofing anybody, the sisters are about to tackle the roles of sibling heiresses who bear uncanny resemblances to Paris and Nicky Hilton in the movie comedy “Material Girls.”

Written by Gary Susman, produced by Madonna’s Maverick Films and due to start filming in January, the movie tells the uplifting tale of two wealthy young women who find themselves embroiled in scandal and must struggle to reclaim their dignity. Pardon us while we wipe away a tear.

This is the first movie pairing for Hayley, 19, and Hilary, 17, although the former occasionally appeared on the latter’s hit Disney Channel series “Lizzie Maguire.” Asked if “Material Girls” lampoons the Hiltons, Hilary replied, “You didn’t hear that from me.”

But let it be acknowledged there’s been no love lost between the families since last summer, when Hayley and Paris competed to be first to release a song called “Screwed.” Paris won, but only because the song leaked on the Internet, the media form most responsible for propelling the hotel-enriched, Chihuahua-toting globe-trotter to her astounding level of celebrityhood.

STORK ALERT

Actress Mira Sorvino, 37, and boy-toy spouse Chris Backus, 23, have successfully bred, less than five months after their June nuptials. The daughter of actor Paul Sorvino gave birth in Los Angeles last week to a girl, whose name has not been released.

ACTOR SUES GAL PAL

Actor Burt Reynolds, apparently taking a cue from Fox pundit Bill O’Reilly, has launched a pre-emptive lawsuit against a woman he claims is trying to extort millions of dollars from him in return for her silence.

Reynolds, 68, Monday sued Pamela Seals, 48, his girlfriend of 10 years, in the 15th District Circuit Court in Palm Beach, Fla., claiming Seals had threatened to accuse him falsely of domestic violence, including screaming at her and stomping on her toes. She also planned to announce he abused prescription drugs, Reynolds said.

Reynolds is described in the suit as a “nationally and internationally known public figure” while Sears is listed in the complaint as a woman who “had little or no formal education and was working as a barmaid/manager” at a Tampa restaurant when they met.

(c) 2004, The Philadelphia Inquirer.

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