When not throwing tantrums about evildoers who lip-sync, Elton John does some business. In… When not throwing tantrums about evildoers who lip-sync, Elton John does some business. In fact, Sir Elton, 57, is going into the telly business, and he’s taking the advice of Writing 101 profs the world over: Write what you know.

The musician extraordinaire is pitching a comedy to ABC about the life and times of an aging rock superstar. Describing the show as an “up-market `Spinal Tap,'” he tells Variety the show would not be “about me, but about everybody we’ve encountered over the past 30 years. We’ve … seen every misbehavior.”

That would include the naughtiness of other venerable rock gods such as Rod Stewart, Mick Jagger, Freddie Mercury and David Bowie. But would it be funny? Just think of any syllable spoken by that cuddly, drug-damaged Ozzy Osbourne on MTV’s “The Osbournes.”

On the personal side, it looks as if John is going to make an honest man out of longtime companion David Furnish.

According to the New York Daily News, he has told German mag Gala he wants to make their union legal (well, as much as current laws on gay marriage would allow). “We haven’t set a date and it surely won’t be a big public ceremony,” John said.

MORE `GRUDGE’

How hot is Sarah Michelle Gellar’s latest scary flick, “The Grudge”? So steamin’ that the movie, which has been out three weeks, has already spawned a sequel, the Hollywood Reporter says. No word on whether our fave vampire slayer will star.

LORNE MICHAELS GETS REAL

Lorne Michaels, a giant among TV producers, is using “reality” TV to help feed his baby, “Saturday Night Live.” According to the Hollywood Reporter, Michaels is developing a talent-search show for NBC, to start in summer, that will sift through a gaggle of would-be comedians to find a new cast member for “SNL’s” following season.

JAY-Z AND R. KELLY SELL BIG

Bad publicity is still publicity, baby! And maybe better than good publicity. How else to explain the latest chart-topping CD? “Unfinished Business,” the aptly titled collaboration between Jay-Z and R. Kelly _ who have stopped touring with each other because of snitty fits, pepper-spray attacks and adolescent jealousies _ just debuted at No. 1 on the Billboard 200, selling 215,000 copies in its first week. So while Kelly is suing his erstwhile bud for $75 mil, Jay-Z can always use his share of the record’s sales to pay the lawyers.

JESSICA SUITS UP

Just a day after we wrote about singer Jessica Simpson’s triumphant artistic and business expansion into ready-to-wear fashions comes harsh news that the 24-year-old is being sued by the manufacturer of the Dessert Beauty line of edible cosmetics that she peddles. According to TV’s “Celebrity Justice,” Cosmojet, which filed the suit in Los Angeles Superior Court, says Jess and Dessert owe it almost $200,000 after Cosmojet made $1 mil worth of product but was paid only $800K. Jess is dancing away from the mess by saying she’s only a spokeswoman for Dessert, and not involved in its actual business, and she tells “CJ” she’s going to take legal action of her own against Cosmojet.

Dessert president Randi Shinder said the company didn’t make full payment because not all the Cosmojet merchandise met with Dessert’s “high product standards and specifications.” We’re sure Dessert’s standards are nothing less than regal.

(Wire services contributed to this column.)

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