Dear Liz,

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly three years now. We really… Dear Liz,

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly three years now. We really love each other, and the sex is great, but I’ve been really thinking about exploring things beyond just the standard stuff. I think I want to use a vibrator in the bedroom. The only problem with this is I don’t know how to go about “sharing” the experience with him. So do you have any advice on bringing a third party into the bedroom?

-Three’s company

First and foremost: Good for you. Integrating what you know you like sexually with the actual act of sex is a key component in having fantastic sex. Extra points rewarded for taking control; it seems as if too many women expect orgasms to happen without having to take an active role. These women can become disappointed or less than enthusiastic about sex and, at times, become bitter in general. These are the initial steps in forming Anne Coulter-like personality traits. Joking, I’m sure Anne is a tiger in bed, or something like that.

Now the issue of bringing the vibrator topic up with your boyfriend: You said that you were pleased with his and your sex life, so it seems doubtful that you would bring it up in a not-so-nice manner.

For those of you who may be in this same situation, it is bad — I repeat. bad — if you bring up the vibrator’s premiere by saying something like, “Well babe, a vibrator can last longer than 3.4 minutes.” That, my friend, is called verbal castration.

More than likely, he’s going to think your idea is hot — really, really hot. Seeing his girlfriend masturbating with a vibrator at the same time he is having sex with her will visually stimulate him into overdrive.

Remember, he wants you to feel good above anything. Using a vibrator during sex can only enhance the experience, whether it’s adding stimulation during a particular position or just for continual stimulation so his hands are free to be elsewhere. The bottom line is that it’s not going to take an enormous amount of convincing for your boyfriend to be willing to accept your idea.

So let’s say that you read this article on Monday. On Tuesday, you approach your boyfriend and make your proposal. He accepts gladly, he immediately disrobes, you have sex using the vibrator, you orgasm, he has an orgasm, and all is well.

This was a good experience, you had fun, and you want to do it again. You decide to get your pre-Thanksgiving, pre-seven-pounds-thicker swerve on; in fact, you two do it repeatedly with the vibrator.

Do you know what could potentially happen on Wednesday when you decide to give the vibrator a rest?

Yes, unfortunately it is true. With all good things in life, too much is always bad thing. A brownie covered in raspberry sauce, chocolate fudge and ice cream is good, but eating an abundance of brownies is bad — at least your ass will think so. Drinking a chocolate martini consisting of vanilla vodka, Bailey’s and Godiva chocolate is very good. Drinking five equates vomiting.

The point I’m trying to make is that the intensity of the stimulation a vibrator delivers can desensitize the clitoris to less intense forms of stimulation like oral or manual sex. And while it’s true that vibrators can be great accessories in the bedroom, it’s best to use them sporadically when engaging in intercourse. So don’t overdo it or over-rely on one, but definitely enjoy a little bit of a good thing.

E-mail Liz and Tony at [email protected].