Grass-roots activism.

No matter what your cause, there is nothing as invigorating as… Grass-roots activism.

No matter what your cause, there is nothing as invigorating as unifying with your peers, standing up for your rights and screaming to the high heavens, “You can’t push me around! I’m not a soulless automaton! I can make a sign!”

From the labor strikes that begat trade unions to the civil-disobedience movement that ended British rule in India to the letter-writing campaign that revived the animated sitcom “Family Guy,” grass-roots activism has changed the world.

Pittsburgh has been fertile ground for such activity recently. This fall, we’ve seen Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic nurses picket for better wages, vegetarians pass out leaflets outside KFC and a troupe of “radical cheerleaders” battle negative body image by … yelling loudly in Market Square?

But how do you call attention to your cause when you have an extensive arrest record, an STD-medley in your bloodstream, and you’re shunned by every member of society who does not currently have a part of his body inserted somewhere in you?

In three countries this month, those employed in the world’s oldest profession have taken to the streets to answer that question.

On Oct. 18, the streets of Seoul, South Korea, became a regular party at Rick James’ house when 2,800 prostitutes gathered to demonstrate against strict, new anti-vice laws. The laws have lead to a clampdown on businesses known as prostitute havens, such as beauty shops, massage parlors, and — I kid you not — karaoke bars.

I know nothing gears me up for some hot, professionally administered lovin’ like listening to some intoxicated jackass butcher “Born to Run.”

According to the Associated Press, the women, disguised in surgical masks and baseball caps, held sit-ins, waved banners and sang pop songs.

Meanwhile, in India, sex workers are protesting an ancient ceremony whereby priests dig up dirt near brothels, take it to their temples and mold it into idols of the Hindu fertility goddess Durga. According to the Agence Frances-Presse, the practice occurs frequently in October, the month of a festival celebrating Durga, who is, in addition to a fertility goddess, a slayer of evil spirits.

“We are branded prostitutes and ostracized by society,” said Swampa Gayen, president of Calcutta-based sex workers organization. “This practice only adds insult to injuries.”

The group plans to go door-to-door in Calcutta protest the tradition. I can only imagine how that will go:

“Okay, I will respect prostitutes’ rights and tell my priest to stay off your property. Thank you for the pamphlets. Oh, by the way, are you currently on duty?”

Next, our global tour of prostitutes takes us to Guatemala, where prostitution is legal and widespread, but women of the night are still routinely harassed by police and make an average of only $2.50 per liaison. A group of Guatemalan prostitutes is drawing attention to their plight, using a sure-fire way to gain media attention in Latin America: playing soccer!

Stars of the Track, an amateur soccer team of Guatemalan prostitutes, lost its first game against a team of female police officers 3-1 on Oct. 16.

“We get much more attention from the public now [that] our faces our known,” the prostitute who scored the team’s only goal told Reuters.

If Stars of the Track succeed in their quest for better wages and working conditions, it will mean a better standard of living for themselves and their peers, more respect for their profession and the cancellation of my spring-beak plans.

Peace. Equality. The environment.

The right to be a prostitute, still be a respected member of society and live in the middle-income bracket is different from most activist causes. I doubt it will inspire a song on the next U2 album.

Nick Keppler is an e-mail junkie. Indulge him at [email protected].