The city of Pittsburgh has decided to film a reality television show to dispel the myths that… The city of Pittsburgh has decided to film a reality television show to dispel the myths that there is nothing to do here. It’s a wonderful idea. And the best part is that everyone who walks the streets Downtown, in any public space, is eligible to be the next reality television star.

OK, so maybe this is not the real reason for the surveillance cameras Downtown, but it’s a much better reason for them than the actual idea of creating added security.

Since Sept. 11, 2001, the city of Pittsburgh has been expanding the use of surveillance cameras in public areas. Now many streets and alleys are caught on camera. There is surveillance at PNC Plaza and outside Kaufman’s, Saks Fifth Avenue and the State Office Building, to name a few locations. Of course this all falls under the category of heightened security. Everyone should feel really safe now.

But the streets are only as safe as the equipment is dependable. When an elderly woman was beaten in an alley, then strangled to death, detectives and police were looking to surveillance tapes to identify the suspect. Unfortunately, the tapes were of such poor quality that no one has been brought to justice.

And what was going on while that woman was being assaulted? Who watches these tapes? What is the procedure for when a crime is caught on tape?

Security guards who monitor the cameras can call the police when they see suspicious behavior. For instance, when a couple was caught engaging in sexual intercourse at PNC Plaza, a PNC security guard’s voice boomed over a loudspeaker like the voice of God and said that if there was any more “funny stuff” going on, he’d call the cops. The two suspects fled from the scene of the crime. They are described as undressed and horny.

But seriously, if the city was really interested in taking more safety measures, then there would be more police patrolling the streets. It could actually result in something positive — like a drop in crime.

Where the camera can get a not-so-good picture, a police officer could actually get the bad guy. Getting the bad guy would be great, but this is clearly not the city’s plan. Instead, surveillance cameras are filming a grainier version of “COPS” without the actual officers.

When city officials decide to really do something about the increase in crimes and the safety of its residents, they may just want to look at some of the tactics being used by bar owners in the Strip District. They employ off-duty officers to secure clubs and surrounding parking lots. The Original Hot Dog Shop uses off-duty officers in the same way, and incidents of crime have decreased there. Imagine, a trained officer available to prevent crimes from happening. Sure, it works, but it’s not as good of a reality show as “The ‘Burger King”: the best darn spontaneous human nature on the tube.