Last summer, I was in New York City with three friends, en route to see a taping of Jon… Last summer, I was in New York City with three friends, en route to see a taping of Jon Stewart’s “The Daily Show.” This was no small feat — it was an event that had been three years in the making. It had taken such a long span of time to coordinate all of our hectic schedules to ensure that we’d all be able to attend.

As we were parking our car I announced, “It looks like we’re going to accomplish a goal today.” After laughing at that, I added, “It’s a shame none of mine are career-oriented.”

“Don’t worry,” one of my friends chimed in, “all of my goals involve sex, and, well … just sex.” We decided then and there that goals, regardless of how they’re oriented, were good to have.

Fast forward to the present. I’m rapidly approaching the end of my junior year and about to become a senior. Graduation is just on the horizon — a thought that brings tears to the eyes of this chick, despite the fact that I need considerably more than a screening of Disney’s “Bambi” to activate the waterworks.

I’ve begun to realize that I’m running out of time here at Pitt, and there’s still a ton of stuff I’ve been meaning to do, but haven’t gotten around to yet. I decided to write out my list of goals now. That way if I have yet to accomplish them at this time next year, someone can really get on my case and, at the risk of sounding like my mother, “get my rear in gear.”

Take in the view.

Pitt holds bragging rights for being home to the highest educational structure in the United States and the second highest in the world. Yet I’ve never been beyond the twenty-third floor. The view at the pinnacle is supposed to be amazing. I wouldn’t know, and I’ve been here three years. I equate this with going to Las Vegas and not seeing a slot machine — essentially, preposterous! Checking out the view from the top must be done before I hear “Pomp and Circumstance.”

Make out with that guy

Everyone has that one person they’ve been dying to hook up with, but just hasn’t had adequate game to get it on. I set eyes on my stud the third day of freshman year. He just might be the most aesthetically pleasing guy in the world — on this campus, it’s no contest.

Unfortunately, his personality leaves a lot to be desired. Luckily for me, I’m not after him for good conversation or a few laughs. If by some chance Hell freezes over and I actually have a boyfriend next year, Mr. Wonderful is just going to have to understand that I’m not into this dude for emotional fulfillment, and deal with it.

I simply covet the ability to say that I made out with the hottest fella alive — a one-and-then-I’m-done deal. If I really wanted to multitask, maybe I could make out with him while catching the view from the top of the Cathedral. It’s wishful thinking perhaps, but certainly a pleasant idea, nonetheless.

Complete the daily crossword

I am a slave to routine. Every day, I read the paper and work on the crossword — all during class, mind you. It irks me to no end that I’ve never actually finished the damn thing. Making matters worse, I know The Pitt News’ little brain teaser doesn’t rank up there with the Sunday New York Times crossword. Hopefully, if my classes are as boring as I anticipate next semester, a completed crossword for me, which I can proudly display on the refrigerator, will be in my future.

Eat at Scotty’s stand

Every day for three years, I’ve had to torture myself by walking past the corner of Bigelow Boulevard and Forbes Avenue, smelling the fine aroma emanating from Scotty’s makeshift eatery. Everyone talks about how great the food is. For heaven’s sake, my dad has eaten there several times, and it’s not like he hangs out in Pittsburgh. I’m totally “that girl” who uses her debit card for everything — and never, ever has cash. One day, I will take out some dough, buy something guaranteed to clog my arteries, and see for myself what the fuss is all about.

These are a few of my goals to keep myself busy in the next year. I encourage you to be like my mom and nag me to death about getting these done — ensuring that I leave my beloved Pitt fulfilled in every way possible. Oh yeah, getting that degree I’ve paid so much for should be rewarding, as well …

Colleen Bayus hopes that all her graduating friends, especially Rick, have reached all their goals — sexual or otherwise — during their time at Pitt. She wishes them the best in all that they do. E-mail her at [email protected]