Opera, dance and song with piano accompaniment paled in comparison to a poem about… Opera, dance and song with piano accompaniment paled in comparison to a poem about drug-pushing aliens, which won the talent competition in WPTS’s Gong Show Monday night.

Ramesh Reddy, of the Pitt dining hall staff, recited a rhyming soliloquy that began with a warning against extra-terrestrial cocaine dealers and developed into a call to praise Jesus. He walked off with a $40 gift certificate to Bravo and two tickets for a movie at Loews Cineplex.

The worst act, on the other hand, went home with a one-man band DJ kit, which the four members of The Good Time Sailors and the Swedish Fish presumably split. They received the highly coveted “worst act” after a performance in which three members danced while the other drummed on his throat.

“We told everyone that they were talented and that they should show us how. But I’m wrong. They’re not talented, and they’re not showing us,” WPTS employee Henry Pyatt said, referring to the overall entrant turnout for the show.

Other acts included Ewok and Sean Connery impressions, as well as freestyle rap. The rapper was quickly gonged off the stage after spewing a few lines about “butt sex.”

“I’ll kill you and your children!” the contestant said as he left the stage.

The three-judge panel jeered the performers, banging the gong to abort terrible acts. They deemed one performance as “born to suck” and, reacting to an aria, one judge proclaimed, “Opera is for housewives and men with six-figure salaries.”

Nevertheless, the opera singer was one of the three final contestants for best act. Beside her stood Reddy and Prince Williams, who opened the show with an a capella rendition of Stevie Wonder’s “My Cherie Amour.”

Touted as “almost as good as the actual Prince” by Master of Ceremonies Craig Rudewicz, Williams initiated hand clapping in rhythm from the audience.

The crowd was less receptive near the end of the show, when Rudewicz asked them to stand and put their fists in the air for a second appearance by Gene the Dancing Machine, who sported a red jumpsuit and a huge, blond afro.

Other acts included Be Bop Cola, who sang the Beach Boys’ “Barbara Ann,” and “The Unknown Comic,” who appeared with a paper bag over his head to heckle the judges. Throughout the entire show, the master of ceremonies made frequent costume changes — from wigs to masks to top hats.

Twenty-five acts signed up to perform when WPTS set up a table in the Pitt Union two weeks ago. Each performance was allotted two minutes to show off “talent” before the gong was sounded, but many acts were terminated long before the two-minute mark.

Although there was some discrepancy between WPTS members as to whether or not the Gong Show is an annual event, all agreed that it was held to raise awareness for WPTS.

Although many of the acts were musical, or a destruction of something that was once music, one contestant performed by walking on his knees while sitting Indian style, and another drank a gallon of milk in two minutes.