The Real Pitt – Bouquet gardens

By BEN GREINER Staff Writer

It’s another Wednesday night at Bouquet Gardens; a night typically spent studying. But… It’s another Wednesday night at Bouquet Gardens; a night typically spent studying. But don’t tell that to Jimi and his friends. They’re partying and drinking as if they only have one day left to live.

A jovial crew is partaking in the evening’s festivities. Three of the four Bouquet Boys are present, the sole exception being Aaron. Jimi, of course, is partying hard, Chad’s in his room doing homework, and Bob is relaxing; he’s currently in Hell Week for the frat he’s rushing. With so many people coming and going from the apartment, Jimi’s taken the role of introducing people.

“This is Melissa,” he says to someone. “She likes long beaches on the walk.”

Huh?

Is that Jimi talking, or is it the alcohol? The empty bottle of Jagermeister on the apartment’s bar is an indication that he may have had some help concocting that unusual phrase.

“We killed that bottle,” says Jimi, smiling and holding up the empty, green bottle.

Jagermeister is not the only bottle of liquor the group has inflicted serious damage upon.

“Jacquin’s [Peach Schnapps] is my best friend,” says Melissa, the girl who fancies long beaches on the walk.

The bar is littered with more half-empty liquor bottles, spent cans of Red Bull and dirty shot glasses. The mess carries over to the coffee table, where more glasses, some lying on their side, are present. Glasses aren’t the only thing askew in the apartment, however. The trashcan in the kitchen has fallen over.

For entertainment, the group is watching “Hard Boiled,” a Hong-Kong cop drama starring Chow Yun Fat that friend Chris has brought over. Every time a particularly bloody scene starts, Chris exclaims: “Look at that action sequence!”

Sometime around midnight, Joe and other friends arrive with something the group has been waiting for – a case of Molson Ice.

For those without a beer or other drink in their hands, there’s hell to pay.

“Hey! You don’t have a drink in your hand!” Melissa yells at Sandi, who’s decided not to drink tonight.

Joe, being the crafty person he is, uncaps a Molson and tries to give it to Sandi, despite her cries of: “No, I don’t want a drink!”

“I’m going to put the beer like this,” says Joe, placing a beer in Sandi’s hand. “If you spill it, it’s not my fault.”

Sandi eventually folds and starts sipping the beer slowly. However, moments later, she tries to give the brew away, asking, “Who wants this?”

While Sandi can’t decide if she’s going to finish her beer, Chris is taking up slack for her by double-fisting Molson.

“I’m more drunk than you are,” he says to someone.

Or is Joe drunker?

“You remind me of a velociraptor!” he says to Chris while laughing uncontrollably.

Or is Jimi drunker?

“Let me drink this and see what happens,” he says, while drinking a rum and Coke. Er, rum and flat Coke.

The girls are barely amused at the gratuitous violence of “Hard-Boiled.” Instead, they’ve turned their attention to the pet ferret that Sandi has brought over.

“I think he’s overweight,” Sandi says, petting the furry creature.

“He’s so cute,” Chris coos.

“He’s smelly,” someone else says.

“I’m smelly, but I’m cute,” Chris rebuts.

As the ferret basks in the attention he’s been getting, Chad emerges from his room to take a short study break.

“I need to have an appropriate glass for this drink,” he says, getting ready to indulge in some Disaronno Italian liqueur.

As quickly as he’s arrived in the living room, he’s gone.

Toward the end of the evening, Chris emerges from the bathroom with a present he’s eager to show off to the group: half of a metal towel rack, which had been in the bathroom just minutes earlier.

“Look what I found,” he says.

Jimi’s jaw drops at the sight of the mangled metal “thing.”

“That is totally unacceptable, my friend,” he says, somewhat frustrated.

With each passing drink, the night fades away. As do the memories of it. Some may remember what happened the night before, others won’t. But one thing is for sure; Aaron, Chad, Bob and Jimi will have to go shopping for a new towel rack.