If there’s ever been a way to define the term ‘megalomania,’ it’s in this book.

‘ ‘ ‘ ‘… If there’s ever been a way to define the term ‘megalomania,’ it’s in this book.

‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ The humorously pompous Neal Pollack, whose writing constantly blurs the line between joking and lying, has come out with his first novel, and it’s a doozy. ‘Never Mind the Pollacks’ is the story of the self-proclaimed ‘rock critic’ Neal Pollack — not to be confused with the Neal Pollack who wrote this book — as mostly told by fellow rock critic and alter-ego Paul St. Pierre. For the most part, Pollack’s life is seriously exaggerated, but for comical reasons. The story even starts out with an amusing amplification of real life (or a conceived situation that never happened) when Neal’s neighbor, Elvis Presley, runs over Neal’s oppressive, patriarchal, racist father.

‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ Pollack’s madcap rock ‘n’ roll fable continues with other such odd, larger-than-life myths as he wanders through cities like Detroit, where he ‘discovers’ a young James Osterberg and turns him into Iggy Pop; Los Angeles, where he tells Dee Dee Ramone that music should return to its working-class roots; and Seattle, where he finds a young Kurt Cobain to mentor and sculpt in his own image.

‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ What’s funny about the story is how, each time Pollack meets new musicians, he turns them into the personas and images that music lovers would later know them for. For example, there’s one scene where Pollack teaches a group of Londoners that the world is corrupt and self-destructive, but the solution to these problems is rock ‘n’ roll. Among these Londoners is a young and impressionable John Lydon, aka Johnny Rotten of the Sex Pistols. Another example is when he’s mentoring Kurt Cobain; he explains to Kurt that nothing is more important than being popular. Each character is affected by Pollack, whether it’s a mere nudge in another direction or a complete turnaround.

‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ Even without the rock ‘n’ roll part of the novel, this story is well told. Pollack makes the grandiose narrative subtle and entertaining, especially when it comes to his self-descriptions. Pollack’s character, though obnoxious, is portrayed in different lights: sometimes he’s a sympathetic character, other times he’s an alienating asshole, which takes quite a bit of talent. Moreover, the transition he makes from sympathetic to alienating happens so fluidly that it’s like turning a light on and off. Neal Pollack’s writing has the soft touch that makes a story good.

‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ But since it is a rock ‘n’ roll novel, a soundtrack sounds like the metaphorical trident needed to make a Satan costume complete. That’s why Pollack’s own band, The Neal Pollack Invasion, has come out with an album to be released simultaneously with the book. The album, also titled ‘Never Mind the Pollacks,’ is expected to rock very hard and expand the aesthetics of anyone who listens to it.

‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ If you’d like to read more Neal Pollack content, check out Pollack’s online journal, at www.nealpollack.com.

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The Neal Pollack Invasion, Goldblade and The Dirty Faces will play the RexTheatre in the South Side tonight at 9 p.m. For more information, call (412) 381-6811.