General Po’s Chicken

Police in Bethlehem, Pa., arrested a home invader this past weekend, but this wasn’t your average home invader. Instead of donning a ski-mask to hide his identity, this burglar was in a yellow Teletubby costume — aka Laa-Laa — and he wasn’t looking for jewelry. In fact, the police report stated that he broke into the home to steal Chinese food. According to the report, the man went through the fridge, “dumped [the food] in his man purse” and fled the scene. His accomplice, Tinky Winky, was later found in alleyway covered in sweet and sour sauce.

Night of the living Redd’s Apple Ale

After attending a bar’s “zombie prom” party in upstate New York, a woman left completely zombified, not because she was dressed to theme, but because she was intoxicated. Unfortunately for her, she decided to get behind the wheel —  not just once, but twice. The zombie woman was arrested for DWI at 2 a.m. on Saturday, taken to the police station, and then arrested again for DWI at 5 a.m. after she left the station that same night. When asked why she got behind the wheel again, she said she had a serious craving for “Beeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrr…”

The panty raiders

The Rutherford Raiders, the soccer team of Kent University in the U.K., got into some serious trouble recently because of their sponsor. As most of us know, soccer teams tend to put their sponsors’ logos on their jerseys — the Rutherford Raiders were no different. Their sponsor just happened to be the X-rated website Pornhub. Unfortunately for them, the university banned the team for placing the Pornhub logo onto the front of their jerseys. Plus, people weren’t coming to the games, because apparently they all ended the same way.