It’s March. The Madness is here, and it is very real.

Now that the first round of the… It’s March. The Madness is here, and it is very real.

Now that the first round of the NCAA Tournament is under way, I’ve decided to impart some of my hoop knowledge on all you readers out there. Yes, I know, the brackets are locked, so this won’t in any way aid any gambling endeavors. But it will give you an idea of what to expect in this evening’s basketball contests before you venture out to attend your respective war-is-over-if-you-want-it parties. Let’s get right to it. Allow me to be your March Madness maestro, orchestrating a beautiful symphony of sure-thing picks.

Midwest

No. 1 Kentucky over No. 16 IUPUI

If there’s any such thing as a tournament no-brainer, this is it. IUPUI has never played in the NCAA Tournament. Kentucky is a tough team with a blue-collar mentality that plays rock-solid defense, shoots at a high field-goal percentage and won its conference tournament. Hmmm, remind you of some other team from around here?

No. 2 Pitt over No. 15 Wagner

Hampton over Iowa State, 2001. Coppin State over South Carolina, 1997. The NCAA Tourney has a recent history of No. 15 seeds playing David and shocking No. 2 Goliaths.

Don’t expect that to happen in this game.

Wagner is making its NCAA Tournament debut. It is a one-man team, as forward Jermaine Hall contributes the bulk of its offense. And Pitt is far too disciplined on the defensive side of the ball to be caught off-guard by an upstart No. 15.

If the gods of hoop choose not to spite the predatory cats of the Midwest, then the real national championship game will be played not on April 7, but on March 29, when Pitt meets Kentucky in the Midwest final.

No. 9 Utah over No. 8 Oregon

This is a tough call. Oregon started the season with high expectations before struggling through its Pac 10 schedule, only to catch fire at the right time and win the Pac 10 championship. On paper, the Ducks should waddle all over the Runnin’ Utes. But I’m picking Utah in this game for one reason and one reason only: its coach.

“Fat” Rick Majerus has lost in the first round of the NCAA Tournament only once in nine tries with Utah, bowing out last year to eventual tournament runner-up Indiana. The Runnin’ Utes made it to the Final Four in 1998, and Majerus’ ability to teach the game has earned him the reputation of a guy who can overachieve. Utah is perennially one of those oh-crap-I-don’t-want-to-see-this-team-on-my-side-of-the-bracket squads, and they will prove why against Oregon. Expect Oregon guard Luke Ridnour to get swatted taking it to the hole, as Utah averages 3.8 blocks per game.

East No. 11 Penn over No. 6 Oklahoma State

The Cowboys are limping into the tourney after losing a Big 12 quarterfinal contest to Missouri. What’s more, Oklahoma St. has bowed out in the first round of the tournament each of the last two years. Penn is a tournament-tested team that has an inside presence in forward Ugonna Onyekwe and can shoot the ball from outside (.412 three-point field goal percentage). Factor in the Quakers’ 15-game winning streak and the streakiness of the Big 12 conference, and this one has upset written all over it.

South

No. 11 UNC-Wilmington over No. 6 Maryland

You’re probably thinking that I’m crazier than Saddam Hussein right now, but hear me out. Maryland is the defending champion, and it starts five seniors. But instead of dominating the horrible ACC Conference this year and strutting their way to a No. 1 seed, the Terps crawled to a 19-9 record and lost to lowly North Carolina in the quarterfinals of the ACC Tournament. Four of the starters from last year’s national championship team, including team leader Juan Dixon, are gone. And guard Steve Blake does not have the innate ability to will his team to victory that Dixon displayed time and again.

UNC-Wilmingon, on the other hand, showed last year that it has no fear when it upset No. 4 seed USC in the first round of last year’s tournament. Three Seahawks average double figures in scoring, and guard Brett Blizzard shoots an astounding .447 from beyond the arc. These are not your older brother’s Terrapins, folks, and the Seahawks will expose Maryland’s weaknesses tonight. In fact, I am predicting that both of last year’s national championship game participants will go out in the first round, as:

Midwest:

No. 10 Alabama over No. 7 Indiana

South:

No. 1 Texas over No. 16 UNC-Asheville

No. 8 LSU over No. 9 Purdue

No. 3 Xavier over No. 14 Troy St.

No. 7 Michigan St. over No. 10 Colorado

No. 2 Florida over No. 15 Sam Houston

East:

No. 5 Mississippi St. over No. 12 Butler

No. 4 Louisville over No. 13 Austin Peay

No. 3 Syracuse over No. 14 Manhattan

No 7 St. Joseph’s over No. 10 Auburn

No. 2 Wake Forest over No. 15 East Tennessee St.

Michael Cunningham is a columnist for The Pitt News, and he thinks that the NCAA Tournament is far more entertaining than a bunch of millionaires dressed in tuxedos, giving each other bald statuettes.