Once in a while I like to take a trip to Pitt’s own Hillman Library. I don’t go for normal… Once in a while I like to take a trip to Pitt’s own Hillman Library. I don’t go for normal reasons such as picking up guys, staring at a random notebook attempting to study or buying pens from those cool little vending machines. I know it sounds outrageous, but sometimes I go to the library to attempt to check out a book.

Unfortunately, library excursions such as these are few and far between. Actually, I can count the number of times I’ve been into the library this school year on one hand.

It’s not that I don’t like the library. I love to read. I love to socialize – I mean, study. I used to be considered a library regular in high school. I went there every day – well I had to, for calculus class. But I went for the books, too, and sometimes the computers when I had to get an assignment done at the last minute (which was quite often). We even had a few tables you could sit at to complete homework, read or finish doodling the masterpiece on your notebook.

Maybe I would be more willing to spend time in the library if it weren’t as big and intimidating as the football team’s offensive line. Instead of attempting to conquer the beast, I usually occupy myself with less daunting tasks between classes, such as sleeping or watching CNN on the big screen in the William Pitt Union.

Most people wouldn’t complain about a library being too big – colleges usually boast about the number of volumes their library holds in an attempt to lure students to their school. I guess having millions of books at your disposal is great when you have a research project due on an obscure topic, but for me, it just creates problems.

I had a pretty good deal going with the library back in high school. I knew exactly where to find old faithfuls, like The Fountainhead or The Shining. If I wasn’t looking for anything specific, there were only two aisles of fiction, so browsing was a viable option. Check your books out, don’t set off the “book detector” and you’re on your way.

Call me naive, but despite Hillman’s size, I thought I could still jump in there, browse the fiction for a half hour or so and jump out. Yeah, not so much. I think they’ve completely abandoned sections such as fiction and nonfiction. You pretty much need to go in on a mission. Know what you want, head straight to PittCat and look it up. If you attempt to browse, that place will eat you alive.

Now, in the event that I ever do manage to find a book in that place and check it out, the next war to wage will be returning it on time. In high school, I was a repeat offender on unreturned books – if the library had a “most wanted” list, I would have been at the top. The best part was I could do it without repercussions – those books could sit at the bottom of my locker for an entire quarter and I would get away unscathed. Every week or so they sent a little slip of paper to your homeroom: You have these books out, please return them as soon as possible. The worst they threatened was, horror of horrors, suspension of your library privileges! Even worse, if this behavior continued, you would be reported to your grade level principal. Oh, no! That happened to me once, and all he said was, “Bring the books back as soon as possible.”

Here at Pitt, I understand that they charge you actual monetary penalties for late books. In my case, this could get ugly. I spend all my extra cash on parking and food, so paying for late fees does not look like an option. I think I should be able to trade in the 1,792 free printed pages Pitt has allotted me that I have yet to use, and probably won’t use, to pay for any possible late fees I accrue during the semester. That’s a fair trade, right?

But I have decided that I won’t let big, bad Hillman get me down. The next time I’m not mesmerized by CNN, I’m busting into that place, book title in hand, and PittCat and I are going to rumble. Have no fear, I will emerge the victor.

Jen Giarrusso thinks the person who invented those pen vending machines is a genius. If that’s you, or if you just have random questions or comments, e-mail her at [email protected].