It’s that time of the semester again. I can say that because I am a well-tenured… It’s that time of the semester again. I can say that because I am a well-tenured second-semester freshman. No, it’s not time to clean up the dorm room – that is a much less frequent occurrence – it’s time to bask in the glow of yet another impending school year and a fresh roster of classes to whet your intellectual appetite. You guessed it; it’s time again for scheduling.

Frankly, scheduling doesn’t give me anything but a headache. It seems like I have had barely enough time to enjoy the classes that I didn’t want to take this semester before I have to run the gauntlet all over again.

It’s not that the system is flawed; it just takes a master to reap the full benefits of the cat-and-mouse game they’ve devised. One wrong move and you’re an English major stuck in an 8 a.m. bio lab while your more fortunate roommate is thinking about maybe getting up early today – he’d love to get a meal in before that 1 p.m. Sports History class.

You may be like me – no matter how hard you try, the secret to breaking the scheduling system seems to elude you every fall and spring. I’ve screwed up, learned lessons, devised master plans, and yet I still end up with the latest possible appointment that my adviser has and a set of classes that are considerably less than ideal.

It always starts with that damn group session. Someone in the hierarchy of Pitt Advising thought maybe it would be a good idea to stuff 400 kids into an auditorium, bore them to death with yet another repeat performance of every “last chance to add/drop/withdraw/resign/jump-off-the-closest-building” deadline that exists, and then instigate a sign-up free-for-all.

Last semester, because of a time mix-up, I arrived late for my group-scheduling orgy and was exactly last to get an appointment. All right, my mistake. So this semester I had a plan, which would have gone well except for the fact that I somehow completely failed to receive the e-mail announcing group-session sign up. I ended up with one of the last days, but I still made sure I got there early this time.

I felt sort of geeky sitting in the front row, but I knew it would pay off. Boy was I wrong. The row-by-row system was abandoned, and I could hardly blink before every person in that room was simultaneously trying to fit through two four-foot wide doors to get to the sign-up room. After shoving my way through boys with big muscles and managing not to be taken out by backpack-wearers making sharp turns, I got my appointment – a late one again.

So it looks like it’ll be early April before I get to schedule, beating out only incoming freshmen for my share of the good classes – and I just don’t think that’s fair. It may be that a system was created to overcomplicate something that could be done in 10 minutes or maybe that I am just unable to conquer it like some of my more talented classmates. Either way, I’ve thought of a few idiot-proof ways to revamp the scheduling system.

Pitt should consider buying one of those number-dispensers they use at supermarkets to decide who goes next in the deli line. Now serving number 438, what classes do you want? OK, next number please! Even better would be the implementation of a lottery system, which seems to have become a crowd favorite here. You get a wristband, they pick your number at random, and you get your classes. My favorite would be some sort of contest – like guess the number of jellybeans in this really big jar. Closest goes first and from there on down, everyone would get his or her deserved shot at scheduling.

Though these alternatives may initially seem outrageous, consider the current system – it’s just as nonsensical. It’s about time for scheduling at Pitt to undergo a change. Whether it’s something more practical or even more fun, anything would be better than the way it’s done now.

Even if they did have a guess the number of jelly beans contest, Jen Giarrusso probably still wouldn’t win. Console her at [email protected].