Evolutionary theory suggests that mankind’s opposable thumb gives humans a clear advantage… Evolutionary theory suggests that mankind’s opposable thumb gives humans a clear advantage over other members of the animal community. Scientists may argue that the opposable thumb’s main use would be that of wielding tools, but any college student knows their true purpose: video game button pushing.

Since the dawn of the modern era (roughly 1980), the mind-numbing beauty of Nintendo has attracted herds of Homo sapiens to gather around the sweet glow of television.

A control group of four Alpha-males – who ever raised his hand at the A’E meeting – were selected to participate in a closed-environment experiment involving a large white van and were subjected to a series of video game challenges. Basically, four guys cut class and played GameCube for an hour. Here’s what they learned.

“Legend of Zelda”

Three stars

The new “Legend of Zelda” game for the GameCube looked like it was betraying the established “Zelda” canon. Yes, it follows Link on more adventures, but its cartoony graphics looked somewhat ridiculous in light of the excellent, almost realistic first N64 “Zelda” game, “Ocarina of Time.”

But as with “Metroid Prime,” Nintendo has proved not to underestimate the stalwart video game company. The new “Zelda” game is a lot of fun and is very much in the tradition of previous installments. Link does what fans of the series are used to seeing him do; exploring worlds, talking to village folk, battling through extensive lairs and fighting rough-looking bosses, and swinging his sword around like the bad elfish warrior that he is; but in an entirely fresh way, thanks to the cartoony graphics.

The game play isn’t difficult, anyone familiar with the GameCube controller can handle it, and the game is challenging in the tradition of previous “Zelda” games with its tough bosses and fun new mini-games peppered throughout.

Nintendo presents a vision of “Zelda” that isn’t simply a retelling or retread of previous games. Instead, with its well-done cartoon graphics, Nintendo has given fans of the original and newcomers to “Zelda” alike a game and world completely new to “Zelda” canon.

– Dante A. Ciampaglia

“Medal of Honor Frontline”

Three stars

Have you ever watched that opening scene from “Saving Private Ryan” and thought to yourself, “Man, that would be cool”? OK, probably not. With all the massive carnage, death, shrapnel and vomiting, most of us are happy just to make it through watching soldiers run up Omaha Beach without spewing a few chunks.

But for those a bit more adventurous, EA Games gives players the opportunity to grab a rifle and take part in Operation Market Garden themselves with their new game, “Medal of Honor Frontline.”

This game very accurately recreates that same atmosphere produced in “Private Ryan,” right down to the clang of bullets ricocheting off metal and yes, even that wonderful vomiting.

Playing it really does create a nervous, heart-pounding experience that may have players hitting pause to either check the manual for help or check the room for Nazis. Either way, buy some war bonds, plant a victory garden, and get ready to win WWII in “Medal of Honor Frontline.”

– David J. McCarthy

“Metroid Prime”

Three stars

“Metroid Prime” for the Nintendo GameCube follows the hero of previous “Metroid” games, Samus, as she investigates Space Pirate activities on Tallon IV and surely runs into nasty metroids. This new installment in the series is a divergence from the earlier games in that instead of side scrolling action, “Metroid Prime” is a first person shooter.

For gamers who grew up on the original, this is at first a bit difficult to buy into. But after fooling around with the controller and getting a handle on which button shoots, jumps, aims and turns you into a ball, “Metroid Prime” becomes a lot of fun. It’s a much more intense and engrossing game that allows you to do more in and get a different perspective on that world of “Metroid.”

From the early screen captures, the game looked like it was betraying the original game that so many know and love. Thankfully, Nintendo hasn’t done this and, in fact, has created with “Metroid Prime” a fantastic, complex gaming experience that is very much in the tradition of the original, only updated for the 21st century.

– Dante A. Ciampaglia

“MonkeyBall”

Three 1/2 stars

Well, it doesn’t come as a surprise that this game involves a monkey in a ball, rolling around and collecting bananas. The interesting factor is that this balled-up monkey rolls around on platforms in the sky, and you, the video game enthusiast, shift these platforms in order to keep the monkey from falling to a tragic monkey death.

Sure, it doesn’t sound like the most invigorating, spine-chilling game in the universe, but one play of “MonkeyBall,” and you’re hooked. Not only is it incredibly entertaining, but it’s also parent-friendly. While most kids these days are playing Grand Theft Auto 3 (or now 4), in which they can steal cars, blow up police cars, or just plain slaughter people, MonkeyBall offers an innocent break from our debauched college lives.

My favorite part of this game was its synergy with Dole, whose brand logo decorates each and every banana in the game. If “MonkeyBall” weren’t so entertaining, it would probably get on my nerves. And another thing, what’s with the lack of evil monkeys in this game? I’m all about evil monkeys.

-Clinton Doggett

“Resident Evil 0”

Three stars

The zombies are back in the new installment of the “Resident Evil” series, the prequel to the original, “Resident Evil 0,” only available for GameCube.

This time around you are aboard a Raccoon City-bound train infested with zombies, and players get to control two characters. With the opportunity to be either S.T.A.R.S. Bravo-team member Rebecca Chambers or Billy Coen, an ex-convict and former Navy SEAL, RE0 takes the game to a new level as players can switch which character they want to control.

The game follows the typical structure of previous “Resident Evil” games, as players go through the train and the city as well as the Umbrella mansion to kill zombies and uncover the mystery behind the T-Virus, which is taking over the city. The controls take a little while to get used to and the camera angles and slow character turns make the games slightly complicated and flawed. It’s easier to ignore the minor flaws, though, with the addition of new puzzles and scarier zombies and mutants.

– Brian Palmer

“Tony Hawk Pro Skater 4”

Two 1/2 stars

My only complaint about “Tony Hawk” games is the lame nature of their soundtracks. After all, there’s nothing more annoying than listening to ska, pop-punk and crap-metal while I’m trying to get my virtual skate on.

And as sports video games go, the sequels, three-quels and four-quels normally offer the same things, with slight upgrades in graphics, options and realism. But the great thing about Tony Hawk games is that almost nobody who plays them could ever do any of the insane tricks that the skaters in the game do, like scarfing a pizza mid-trick. The absurdity is what makes it good.

At the same time, this installment in the “Tony Hawk” series is far from essential. Mainly because of the $50 you cough up to get it. If you’re a college kid strapped for cash, just keep jamming your buttons to previous versions of the game.

– Clinton Doggett

Conclusion

When push came to shove, our video game excursion wasn’t the majestic, exotic, and crazy experience we had expected. But it was better than spending our early Friday afternoon twiddling our opposable thumbs and arguing about whether or not John Maher sucks (which he does).

We ended up parked on Ward Street in South Oakland, after and exhausting review of Oakland parking opportunities (which may or may not have included the Arby’s parking lot), in a huge white van filled with video game goodies.

We laughed. We cried. We talked trash. Then the kind Nintendo reps made us walk back to campus in the cold, only to drive past us to return the coffee mug that I had forgotten in the van. It was ill.