Editor’s Note: This is a satirical story.

We live in a golden age of American beer. With brews such as Budweiser, Coors, Pabst Blue Ribbon and even Iron City lining shelves, craft beer consumers are spoiled for choice. Making the right drinking choice can be difficult but, fortunately, one beer stands above all others in today’s crowded market. I speak, of course, of the venerable Natural Light.

“Natty” as craft beer enthusiasts affectionately call it, is the latest in a long line of top-shelf offerings from Anheuser-Busch, one of America’s most respected craft breweries. Because of its popularity in craft-brew circles, Natty can be a tough beer to track down. As connected as I am in the world of microbreweries, I had to hitchhike all the way to a West Virginia gas station to get my hands on some. The adventure was well worth it.

Natty comes primarily in attractive silver cans, bound together in packs of six by artisanal Chinese plastic. Bottles are available, too, but let’s be realistic — neither you nor I have that kind of cash lying around. My six pack, taken directly from the gas-station fridge and paid for with a crumpled $10 bill is cold — colder even than Coors, which previously was the coldest beer I’d yet come across. It’s so cold, in fact, that my hands burn slightly upon touching the sleek metal cans. It hurts, but just as with Dogfish Head 120 Minute IPA, the best beers can be a little abusive.

Now, there are three ways to drink Natty, all of which will make the most of its flavor. You can sip it slowly from a plastic cup, preferably a red one. You can shotgun it, but I find that move a bit ostentatious and like to reserve it for special occasions such as dinner with my grandparents. The third option is to simply drink it straight from the can. As I spent all my money on the beer and have none left for red plastic cups, I elect to go with the can.

Sitting on the shoulder of the highway, I crack the first can and take a deep whiff. Beautiful notes of vinegar and hay hit my nose, followed by an intriguing emptiness that prompts me to take a sip.

Gulping deeply, the coldness brewed masterfully into the beer hurts my teeth but can’t hide the delightfully watered-down flavor that beer lovers have been raving over. Notes of grain and boiled corn linger in the background, hiding any trace of alcohol that could have otherwise been found. Just as the flavor hits me, it suddenly vanishes, leaving me, if nothing else, a bit more hydrated than I was before.

Overall, Natty’s general lack of flavor makes it the perfect beer for literally any situation, particularly one in which you’d rather have water but want alcohol instead. Try sipping on this joyful beer while going for a run or with lunch at work. I can almost promise that you won’t be disappointed. Additionally, Natty is the perfect beer to wow your snobby, pretentious beer-need friends at your next get together. Just bring out a six pack of this fine lager and watch their faces fall with the realization that they can’t possibly hang with your beer skills.