Cow on the moose

For the past several months, a runaway cow has caused udder chaos in New Hartford, New York. Police recently placed a headlock feeder along a road where the cow has been spotted to beef up their search. The cow’s owner could not be identified, so a local farmer has agreed to give the cow asylum on his farm. We think the cow is actually hanging out with Edward Snowden. But it’s time to put this story out to pasture. Moooving on.

It’s a trap!

Last week, Michelle Tetreault and her daughter caught sight of something “hellish” by the side of the road. When the two stopped at a red light in Somersworth, New Hampshire, Tetreault’s daughter spotted a man wearing a sign around his neck that said, “Repent! The end is near!” Tetreault gave in to her daughter’s pleas and snapped a picture of the man with her cell phone. He turned out to be an undercover cop trying to catch residents defying New Hampshire’s new law against the use of phones when driving. We think this is a cop-out way of meeting quota.

Stealing in style

On Sunday, a man got a manicure in a Philadelphia nail salon — before robbing the place at gunpoint. Police ended up nailing the adorned thief after surveillance video revealed his identity. In his defense, he simply wanted to look good for his mugshot. To his disappointment, his hands didn’t make the picture. We guess the manicurist didn’t realize he had asked for gel nails — not jail nails.

Open wedding

A Florida couple wants the world to share in their special moment. Paul Johnson and Shelly Osterhout have asked strangers to crash their wedding next month at an outdoor shopping plaza. No word on whether Vince Vaughn or Owen Wilson will attend. We hope the wedding won’t be too emotional — the cake is already in tiers.

Super busted

On Tuesday, Superman landed in jail. Kyree Henneghan, an 18-year-old from West Philadelphia, was charged with two burglaries after police discovered the link between the robberies — Henneghan’s Superman T-shirt. Apparently, kryptonite is not Superman’s only weakness — he also has a soft spot for stealing laptop computers. Incidentally, there’s a new opening at the Daily Planet.