Have you guys noticed it? Walking around Atwood and Forbes these days seems harshly unfamiliar….Have you guys noticed it? Walking around Atwood and Forbes these days seems harshly unfamiliar. I know that I can’t be the only person noticing this: People need to learn how to dress!

Now, Pittsburgh hasn’t always been known as a house of fashion. In fact, GQ recently rated us as the third-worst-dressed city in America, calling our style of dress “meth-lab formal.” My first reaction to this was disgust at the author’s opinion. Then I wondered if meth was a bigger problem in Pittsburgh than I thought. But now I kind of have to agree with GQ’s original conclusion.

We suck at dressing ourselves. And the excuses for outfits that people think are acceptable are not working in the city’s favor for the next round of city fashion rankings. Can we get some fashion design majors out here?

When I started at Pitt, I thought that people were generally well-dressed. There seemed to be four distinct groups composing the student population on campus, and each had its own sense of style.

The first group was the hipsters. When they put down the gluten-free PBR and stopped Instagraming long enough for me to get a look at them, I must say that I was impressed. They were able to pull off the plaid that hasn’t been cool since dad times. The skinny jeans weren’t exactly my taste, but who could argue with the hair styles? It was like they didn’t care, but they did, but they didn’t, and it was perfect.

Next were the preps. When they put down their designer accessories and golf clubs long enough for me to get a look at them, I must say that I was impressed. They were rocking pastels like they were living a Greek fresco. The boat shoes weren’t really for me, but their dress set an attitude. It wasn’t that I wanted to be a prep, but I didn’t hate their style, either.

Next were the jocks. When they put down their free weights and protein shakes long enough for me to get a look at them, I must say that I was impressed. They had a way of making the letters P-I-T-T blend into an entire fashion statement. I wasn’t always down with the compression shorts, but the jocks always seemed ready to defend my school’s honor. It was like the Pitt community was always safe from rogue Penn State fans.

Finally, there were the nerds. When they put down their pocket protectors and wide-brimmed glasses long enough for me to get a look at them, I must say that I was impressed. They were always making old Carnegie Mellon sweatshirts appear cool. I may not have been up for sporting a calculator, but I loved the comb-overs. It was like Yale had nothing on us, and I loved it.

But I look around now, and I don’t know what has happened. Sure, there are still Pitt shirts all over campus, but they look worn-down and a little overmatched by the Youngstown State shirts. The hipster has evaporated and the preps seem to have lost all of their polos in the recession. Even the nerds stay on the CMU side of Craig Street these days.

This has to stop. We have an obligation to our reputations to do better. Do we want people across the country to think we go to West Virginia University or something?

We need to have a statement, and I know what that might be: sports colors. Although many will point to the love of black and gold in this city as detrimental to our dress, I think we can make it work. Nobody has more pride for local sports teams than Pittsburghers, and I don’t know of any other city that can represent everything their city is about in two colors.

It’s time to step up beyond the Steelers jersey and the Terrible Towel. We need to move into wider varieties of black and gold. I’m talking about wallets, shoes, dresses, suits and everything else we own. It’s time for us to become a Wiz Khalifa song.

So if you have been walking around campus wondering when people threw out clothing sense and brought in sweatpants and tights, I hope that you will join me. There is hope in returning our university to fashion sense. We need to bring back the hipsters, the preps, the jocks and the nerds. We need the plaid, the pastels, the compression shorts and the calculators. We can do it, and we can do it all in black and yellow.

Write Andrew at [email protected].