Wagner: Drinking goes high tech

By Patrick Wagner

What are you looking for in a beer? Just 12 ounces of brown fizzy water, or something a little… What are you looking for in a beer? Just 12 ounces of brown fizzy water, or something a little different? This year, a number of innovations in beer distribution have served to answer the second part of that question with specially designed products.

With that in mind, we looked at three newer technologies — the Newcastle DraughtKeg, the Miller Lite Vortex Bottle and the Arnold Palmer 32 oz. jug — to see if they’re really worth your weekend — and maybe weekday — dollars. Each of these options does something new and different, but whether or not these innovations are more than marketing is up to you.

Newcastle Brown Ale DraughtKeg

The beer: a dark ale with a lighter, malty flavor and a particularly frothy head

ABV: 4.7

Size: 5 Liters (about 14 12-ounce glasses)

Price: $20 at Save-Mor Beer & Pop Warehouse, also available at Pitt’s Doggin’ It on Atwood.

Delivering the promise of draught beer in a home package has long been an ideal in the industry, and the Newcastle DraughtKeg gets close.

Heineken International — which owns Newcastle — introduced the draught keg system with its flagship Heineken pilsner a few years back and recently began doing the same with the famed English brew.

Newcastle Brown Ale is a defining beer for northeast England. It has long been popular in the United States for its flavor, which combines the deeper malt notes of a dark beer with a somewhat lighter flavor than darker porters like Guinness.

After an assembly which takes just a few seconds, the mini-keg begins to produce its famed contents with ease. Perhaps the greatest difference visually between the mini-keg and the more readily available bottles is the thick head the beer produces — it almost has a whipped cream-like consistency.

The flavor is rich and deep, without too much carbonation, and only just falls short of the experience found in local watering holes.

For those who love Newcastle or draught beer in general, this is a superior product when you’re trying to bring the bar home.

Miller Lite Vortex Bottle

The beer: an American-style pilsner, light and golden with hints of hoppy flavor

ABV: 4.2

Size: 12 ounces (available in six-packs)

Price: about $10 at Pizza Sola

Adding a literal “twist” to the bottled beer world, the Vortex Bottle has been making people wonder if it’s more than a gimmick since it came out last spring.

The actual “vortex” is a twist-effect in the neck of the bottle that is touted to facilitate easier pouring. (The beer is Miller Lite, so if you like the frothy classic you’re fine. If you don’t, it’s still the same taste and this isn’t going to change your mind.)

The design of the bottles features a somewhat heftier glass, giving them a more solid feel. Discounting the actual functionality of the vortex, it’s a good-looking package.

As for the vortex itself, it seems to work, but it isn’t going to revolutionize bottles. For those familiar with beer’s tendency to “chug” as it comes out, this bottle really seems to keep that from happening. The grooves move the liquid out at a smoother pace — preserving more of the carbonation — but overall the vortex seems to solve a problem that seems minimal in the overall scheme of alcoholic beverages.

Arnold Palmer Malt Beverage jug

The beer: a malt beverage, flavored like the classic combination of iced tea and lemonade

ABV: 5

Size: 32 ounces

Price: about $5 at Pitt’s Doggin’ It

OK, it’s not “beer” beer, but it is a beer-like product that simplifies a long-standing tradition of creating alcoholic Arnold Palmers — known to some as “John Dalys” after the past-troubled golfer. Since it appeared locally last fall, many have wondered if it lives up to its non-alcoholic cousin.

Although available in 12-ounce six-packs at some locations, the 32-ounce jug package itself is truly something beautiful. From the small handle on the neck — perfect for holding while you’re hanging out — to the various facts about the 1960 and 1962 player of the year, it’s one of the most interesting package designs you’re going to see in an industry that uses a lot of creative wrapping. From the wide mouth to the imitation-cloth covering, it’s a classy piece of glass.

The product inside is a dream. It’s not a mixer, but rather a slightly tangy, slightly salty malt beverage that makes one wonder how it can be in the same alcohol family as the bombastically flavored Four Loko. Even friends who won’t drink beer will probably like this stuff.