Penn State — what a beautiful college with totally normal fans that definitely don’t have a cult-like reputation. We thought that we’d discuss some of the ways this great school is way better than stinky, old Pitt for no reason, definitely not because it’s April Fool’s Day.

• Penn State has way better attendance for its football games.

The spirited whiteout games that register as miniature earthquakes show that Penn State football has it all — except maybe a high rank among its Big Ten competitors. It’s okay, though — at least the Penn State quarterback was on the shortlist for the Heisman trophy, or was that Pitt?

• There are always fun things to do in the sprawling metropolis of State College.

Unlike the dull city of Pittsburgh, State College offers many activities, including looking at farms and driving through it to get to Penn State’s campus. So much to do and so little time to do it — don’t waste your four years of college exploring!

• Penn State has the cutest college mascot, the Nittany Lion!

Unlike Roc the Pitt Panther, the Nittany Lion is super cute and approachable. The mascot definitely does not look like something out of a nightmare and his eyes definitely don’t resemble black holes! The Nittany Lion is also super stylish in his striped scarf, which definitely isn’t just a piece of fabric to disguise how weird his neck is!

• Penn State ranks higher in academics than Pitt.

Penn State ranks 63rd in the U.S. News and World Report’s 2022 Best National Universities, which is way higher than Pitt. Wait, scratch that, Pitt ranks 59th. Well, at least Penn State ranks higher in other measures — except for dentistry, physical therapy, affordability for international students and public universities.

• Penn State is more accepting — at least with admissions.

Penn State accepts all — especially those who didn’t get into Pitt. We know that you’re sad about not getting accepted into Pitt, but it’s okay, you’re definitely not alone in feeling that way. Many other students know your pain.

• The campus is super accessible and easy to get around.

Unlike Pitt with its stupid close-together buildings, Penn State is super easy to get around — you definitely don’t have to take a bus to get to your class on time because the buildings are miles away from each other.

• It’s very easy to get groceries and other necessities on campus.

A car is definitely not necessary to get around campus, especially when you need groceries! Hmm, wait — that just might be at Pitt, where a 10-minute bus ride can easily get you to a grocery store. Hey, at least a long car ride to buy food for the week gets you out of your dorm room!

• Penn State has beautiful buildings.

Instead of that ugly tower thing that Pitt calls the Cathedral of Learning, Penn State has beautiful architecture. Buildings such as the Hammond and the Forum offer beautiful sights that definitely don’t resemble a Lego with windows.

With all of these wonderful things to offer, Penn State is the obvious winner of the infamous Pitt-Penn State rivalry. While the timing is suspicious, this is definitely not an April Fool’s prank, we just wanted our readers to know why Penn State is superior — except for in academics, football, campus and much more!