Bigelow Bash is Pitt’s annual spring concert. Sunday was the 2022 celebration, where Flo Milli starred as the main act. Here are The Pitt News Editorial Board’s suggested performers for years to come.

1. Hannah Montana, Ashley O and Miley Cyrus

Although these all might be the same person, it would be a stellar concert. We know Miley Cyrus has shape shifting-like skills, so we think she could definitely pull this off. I mean, she’s already completed an entire tour with Hannah Montana, so throwing Ashely O into the mix for one performance should be a breeze.

2. Dolly Parton

Pitt, just so you know, we don’t need someone young to get us college kids riled up. Dolly Parton, the Queen of Country, would suffice just fine. Between “Jolene,” “9 to 5” and “I Will Always Love You,” she has us in a chokehold between her musical, glittery and hot pink talons. 

3. Big Time Rush

As one of the best musical acts to be produced by Nickelodeon, Big Time Rush has taken the U.S. by storm — and by the U.S. we mean those who were preteens between 2009 and 2013. Despite their years of inactivity, they have returned for a 2022 tour, so maybe performing at the 2023 Bigelow Bash will be the perfect cap for the Forever Tour.

4. Mr. Worldwide

Armando Christian Pérez, Pitbull, Mr. Worldwide, will you please come perform for Pitt? We promise to have the crowd filled with screaming, adoring fans dawning bald caps and flowy white button-up dress shirts if you come — well, at least members of The Pitt News Editorial Board. It’s your world and we’re just living in it, but we want to experience it with you.

5. One Direction and 5SOS

During the discussion of who should be featured at Bigelow Bash, Harry Styles and One Direction were both mentioned multiple times. While those are great choices, it was ultimately decided that the most memorable performance would be given by 5 Seconds of Summer headlined by One Direction, circa 2013. Not only were Zayn, Niall, Liam, Louis and Harry all together, but they also looked like this — how nostalgic.

6. T Swift’s Musical Exes

Does this suggestion mean we enjoy chaos? Maybe.

Does it also possibly suggest we know how to have fun? We’ll let Joe Jonas, John Mayer, Calvin Harris and Harry Styles speak for themselves — alongside their impressive repertoire. Have you heard “Watermelon Sugar” or “Cake by the Ocean?” It could be the best Bash yet.

7. Boys Who Cry

It’s all about you, Pitt, on your Bigelow Bash day. Could there be a better way to celebrate than with Boys Who Cry? We do not think so. This epic performance, one for the history books, would be the best swimsuit party ever considering the group is composed of fish. This means Pitt either needs to invest in a giant glass structure — a very reasonable request — or the event gets renamed to Trees Bash and we head to the pool.