Quench your thirst

Gatorade recently dropped its sponsorship of Tiger Woods, no… Quench your thirst

Gatorade recently dropped its sponsorship of Tiger Woods, no longer seeing a role for him in its marketing efforts. Steadfast, Tiger plans to continue being a spokesman for Gatorade’s traditional slogan, “Is it in you?”

Reciprocal Insects

University of Utah scientists are unraveling the mystery of an ocean bug, the caddisfly. This creature’s adhesive silk could help suture surgical wounds. The bug is a major underwater weaver. Ironically, caddisflies joke about communications majors.

Miscommunication a success

Recently, Mark Rudd, an anti-war activist and former member of the Weather Underground Organization, visited Pitt to advocate nonviolent protest. Students flocked the auditorium hoping to voice their qualms about the recent snowstorm.

Yeah, about that

Mayor Nutter of Philadelphia proposed a soda tax as part of the city’s 2010-11 budget. Most likely Pittsburgh will follow suit by levying a poured alcoholic beverage ta…

Science meets passion

Due to a recent string of geological events, NASA scientists contend the Earth’s axis shifted six inches. Top German scientists disagreed. Experts at The Pitt News claim it’s not the size that matters, it’s the motion of the ocean.

He saves the day again

In his next issue, Spiderman’s alter ego Peter Parker will lose his job as a photographer. The House of Representatives recently passed the Jobs Bill. It only took a superhero losing his job to motivate Capitol Hill.

Would you like some bubbly?

Scientists at South Korea Chungnam National University have discovered drinking alcohol with added oxygen bubbles results in fewer hangovers and a shorter sobering-up time. It should still take just as long to convince your ex that your creepy text was just an accident. It really didn’t mean anything.