The Crazies

Starring: Timothy Olyphant, Rhada Mitchell

Director: Breck… The Crazies

Starring: Timothy Olyphant, Rhada Mitchell

Director: Breck Eisner

Overture Films

Grade: B-

If you are a fan of horror films, you probably fall into one of two categories: Either you prefer your scares with a healthy side of laughs and lack of seriousness — or, you take your terror with a straight, grim face.

In the case of “The Crazies,” the latter will find more to enjoy in this remake of the 1973 George A. Romero film — smiles and light-hearted scary fun are nonexistent in this bleak, yet not entirely unsuccessful thrill ride.

Something odd is happening in the small Iowa town of Ogden Marsh — besides its horrendous name. One moment, Ogden residents appear to be normal small-town stereotypes, but after a man wanders onto the high school baseball field mid-game touting a scarily-large shotgun with bad intentions, everyone seems to catch the crazy pretty quickly.

Fortunately — and predictably — protagonist David Dutton (Timothy Olyphant), the town sheriff, and his doctor wife Judy (Radha Mitchell) seem to be two of the only people who don’t go insane.

Of course, this “insanity” is actually a virus of sorts — I’ll leave the unsurprising specifics for when you watch the movie —, and the symptoms include bleeding out of your orifices, purpling of the skin and a desire to shoot people. Or, set them on fire. Or, decapitate them with a surgical saw.

Almost immediately, one of the film’s biggest flaws becomes apparent. The virus that makes the Ogden Marsh residents go crazy seems to have too broad a definition, and there are never any giveaway symptoms that would otherwise ramp up the suspense early in the film.

There are a series of global satellite shots scattered throughout the movie that scream government involvement — and, surely enough, the Army swoops in and turns a good 25-minute portion of the film into a failed attempt at channelling Holocaust overtones. Unexpectedly, then the film transitions into a “survival of the protagonists”-type film, all the while inserting the typical slasher film “Gotcha!” scenes.

“The Crazies” is by no means a bad film. The directing is solid — if occasionally monotonous — and it’s nice to see a horror film shy away from the hyper-stylized sort of camera work that countless other scare flicks have embodied over the past few years. Olyphant and Mitchell turn in perfectly adequate performances, with the former especially committed to keeping a straight face even through some of the film’s more ridiculous moments.

The problem with the movie, then, lies in that it really seems like a patchwork of mini-films stitched together into a less-than-desirable result. It starts out as a typical horror-suspense film, but then abruptly transitions into military territory a la “28 Days Later” and “28 Weeks Later.” The survival genre the film ends on is easily the strongest of the three parts, but for some reason Eisner insisted on trying to bring back the horror elements found earlier in the film.

Horror fans like to be entertained and scared, not pandered to, and this seems like exactly what Eisner attempted to do. Still, certain scenes make you wish Eisner would stick to flat-out horror — perfectly-shot and paced set pieces in a car wash and a morgue are hopeful indications of the director’s talent.

The director should get props, however, for making an unrelenting, straight-faced scare flick. You won’t find any self-referential wink-wink, nudge-nudges here. The realistic style is refreshingly grim, and the violence in the film is indeed brutal. However, those scenes are not taken to a cartoonishly gory level like in the “Hostel” series, and never does it appear as though Eisner is relishing the on-screen brutality.

Directors in the “Saw” series, take note, because you could learn a lot.

Chances are you will forget “The Crazies” soon after you leave the theater, but fear not. Take it for what it is, and remember — don’t drink the water!