“Trick-or-treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat. If you don’t, I don’t care, I’ll pull down your underwear.”

This classic Halloween rhyme likely uttered at one point or another by most children doesn’t really make any sense, but it’s festive and offers a nice setup for my end-of-October breakdown of the most current pop culture goings-on.

As college students, we are too old to trick-or-treat in a socially acceptable manner, I am here to give you the treats of the week (think Hershey bars and cans of soda), the tricks (apples and dental floss) and what I like to call the Whoppers. Malted milk balls have chocolate, so they aren’t completely a trick, but still — yuck.

Treat: “Paranormal Activity” lives up to the hype

The horror movie sensation is making a frightening amount of money, especially compared to its $11,000 budget. In the equivalent to getting a $20 bill in your bag on Halloween, the film is genuinely scary. Score one for horror buffs everywhere.

Trick: “Saw VI” severs the series’ success

So guess what? It’s Halloween, and a new “Saw” movie came out. Surprised? Probably not, but this one has done very poorly compared to the previous entries.

Let me get this straight: The writers can continue thinking of horribly grotesque and creative ways to kill people using booby traps, but they can’t come up with a way to revive this dying horror franchise? Where’s Jigsaw when you need him?

Whopper: “Antichrist” is released, but not in Pittsburgh

The infamous Lars von Trier shocker that many viewers at Sundance deemed one of the most disturbing films they have ever seen is finally getting attention stateside, but of course, it hasn’t come out in Pittsburgh — yet. What good is hearing about how insane this movie is without having the opportunity to see it? IFC films would be surprised to see how much genital mutilation and unsimulated sex Pittsburgh can handle.

Treat: Alison Iraheta’s first single comes out

Iraheta, who came in fourth place in this past season of American Idol, has released the first single off her debut album, due in December. “Friday I’ll Be Over U” instantly paints Iraheta as a standout rock chick who comes across as the love child of Pink, Kelly Clarkson and Courtney Love circa her Hole days.

I don’t plan on being over this song anytime soon.

Trick: Kris Allen’s practical disappearance from the scene

Who won American Idol last season? It wasn’t Adam Lambert, that’s for sure. I don’t think it was Alison Iraheta, or that guy that threw up the heart signs every two second. Oh yeah, it was Kris Allen. His debut single sounds like a Barenaked Ladies B-side and is barely making a ripple on any of the charts. Oh well, Kris, there’s always Broadway.

Whopper: Adam Lambert releases an outer space album cover

Glambert unveiled the cover for his debut album, “For Your Entertainment,” this week. Decked out in heavy eye makeup and radiant blue hair, the Glambert poses like a Bowie-esque angel behind an outer space background. I understand his far-out style, and I’m certainly looking forward to what will hopefully be one of the great fall records, but really Adam — channeling “Xanadu” has never done anyone any favors. Not even Olivia Newton-John.

Treat: “Nip/Tuck” is back, and it’s better than ever

It turns out that “Glee” hasn’t kept creator Ryan Murphy from churning out a quality product for those who remain faithful to the plastic surgery drama.

Props on bringing Rose McGowan and Mario Lopez in as guest stars. While one brings some surprisingly legitimate acting chops, the other offers the eye candy that the series is so notorious for.

Trick: The proposed Octomom and Jon Gosselin dating show

AHHH! Calm down, everyone. They shot down the rumors. Still, though, the thought of Octomom, or Nadya Suleman, and the divorced Gosselin on a single reality show — dating! —is more terrifying than the idea of a Michael Jackson “Thriller” costume. Oh wait, too soon?

Whopper: “The Hills” and “The City” are still boring

Yes, Kristin Cavallari adds a much-needed b*tch factor to “The Hills,” because — surprise, surprise — she is actually a b*tch. But still, this dismal pair of MTV “reality” shows is slipping fast in the ratings. Thank God. It’s about time teenage girls are learning that Heidi Montag is neither entertaining nor an appropriate role model.

So besides filling your proverbial trick-or-treat bags with some goodies (and not-so-goodies), I want to place my wagers for the most popular/common/awesome Halloween costumes you can expect to see this weekend. And if you’re hard up for inspiration, I give you full liberty to steal some of these ideas:

The Real Housewives of [Insert City Here]: This costume only requires skanky dresses and tacky jewelry. Extra points for Kim from the Atlanta series, especially when accompanied by her groundbreaking single, “Tardy for the Party.”

Bruno: Guys, here is your chance to dress as revealingly as the girls. Have a female friend — or even better, a gay friend — raid your closet, and talk in the instantly noticeable accent for the entire evening.

G-20 Protester: Wear your normal clothes, but use make up to draw bruises and cuts all over your face and body. A “F*ck the police” T-shirt will gain you extra credibility.

Investment Banker/Financial Analyst: Dress as you normally would for a “hobo” costume, but wear a battered tie and a sign that says “Will offer stock tips for food.” If you’re drinking, take a shot everytime someone says “bailout.”

Alison Iraheta’s “Friday I’ll Be Over U”